Life and Death, part 2

Those of you with children who have also spent time grieving some type of loss, know that the children kindof force you to keep going. Their life somehow doesn't stop the way you want yours to. And for the most part I think this is good. I suffered our first miscarriage after we already had 3 healthy children. Being able to hold their warm little bodies and kiss their soft little cheeks was a sweet comfort to me during that time. Our third loss happened when we had 4 children and our oldest was about 6. It was very therapeutic to explain what happened in simple terms, and repeating it outloud for them also confirmed in my spirit things I knew but that were buried under the grief. It actually helped me to hold on to the Truth. When we lost our twins last year they were very much old enough to know, to understand the basics of what happened, to actively offer comfort, and to be included in our memorializing of the babies.

It does, however, create a sort of chasm sometimes when you are dealing with grief and at the same time having to move at the speed of your kids' lives.

Last night I went to the viewing of my friend from church who passed away last Sunday. All day as I was praying for her husband and son, and making plans to go, my children were quite busy getting on with the business of life. After seatwork was finished at the kitchen table, they proceeded to get every pillow from every room in the house, and every throw and blanket that wasn't tucked securely under the foot of a mattress, and build this "fort" in the family room with the help of the recliner footrest and an overturned rocking chair. It had 5 rooms (naturally!) and a lovely garden.


After A's roomtime it was time for his daily "activity". Love, love, love paint with water books!!

In the evening I went to my friend's viewing with several other friends. It was hard but good. God is showing such mercy in so many of the details. As soon as I got home, 5 year old C was waiting for me to take him on our date. We had made plans for this mother-son date a couple weeks ago and I didn't want to disappoint him. So even though a large part of me wanted to sit and talk with my husband, processing some of my thoughts, instead I headed out to Chuck E. Cheese's with C. Now you must know that I absolutely hate Chuck E. Cheese's. We have had a total of zero birthday parties there. I just can't stand the crowds and overwhelming noise. But that's where he wanted to go, so that's where we went. It was virtually empty that time of night, and pretty quiet! So that was a surprise blessing for me! We had a wonderful time. C is so much fun.

So for $5 worth of tokens, $2.25 for a milkshake, and 2 hours of undivided attention, I made one little boy very happy. And that made me happy. Even though I was sad.