One of our children is really struggling with feeling as if they don't belong in the family. He is obsessed with asking if he is adopted, deeply troubled with any perceived conflict or argument among his siblings, and thinks often of running away. And this is not the running-away-to-get-attention type of running away, that is easily handled with, "okay, I'll help you pack." This is a deep cry of "please tell me you need me here and I really do belong."
Have any of you dealt with this? Do you have any words of wisdom?
We have had several heart to heart conversations, another one just this morning. He wanted to know (again) why God didn't just make people always obey, why do people have to choose to do wrong? Why does satan tempt us to do bad things? Why is there bad stuff in the world, anyway? Why is he so bothered by conflict? Why does he feel so badly much of the time? He doesn't like to argue and his brothers do, therefore he must not belong in this family. He must belong to some peace loving family somewhere (okay, this is a serious subject, but that line of thought did make me smile ~ oh, if only there were any argument free families anywhere in the world!).
I told him that God had made him a peacemaker. God was using our family to teach him how to handle problems and conflicts with other people, because, unfortunately, that is part of living in a sinful world. I told him that being adopted or not wasn't the issue ~ God had picked him for our family regardless of how he got here. During our conversation I asked him if he'd ever thought that maybe his feelings were not the truth, and that satan was tempting him away from the truth? He said he had not thought about that. So we talked about what is true and what is not. The difference between what we know and what we feel. We talked about spiritual warfare, and how to fight satan. We prayed together. We sat and just "were" together for a long time. He said he felt better.
Please pray for our sweet boy. For me to have the wisdom I need, and for him to have the reassurance he needs. And that he will learn how to cling to the truth when his feelings are so powerfully telling him something else. Thanks, friends.
it seems to me that God already gave you great wisdom and insight.
ReplyDeletei will pray. sweet little boy.
Prayed. I think that is the best answer, Pam. You have the wisdom to parent well. But some things are best "handled" by praying.
ReplyDeleteI would make sure he's memorizing and/or reading scripture, too. Fill him up with the truth so that there is no room for lies.
Deep thinkers can be great tools in the hand of God.
I will definitely be praying for him and for you as you continue to pour wisdom, truth, and patience into him. It does sound like you already have such great wisdom and had a very meaningful conversation today! Praying for peace in his little heart.
ReplyDeleteIn our family, we've started parent/child interviews/dates. Each one takes a turn on a date with mom or dad they get undivided time to talk about whatever they want. This is time away from home without interruptions.
ReplyDeleteIt has helped our children to feel special and connected with dad and mom to know that we love them on their own terms. This has helped in so many ways. It was through prayer we decided that this was right for our family.
I will pray too - tough, tough questions. You are doing fabulous - I agree with Votemom - God gave you great wisdom and insight. :)
ReplyDeleteAwwwww, is this the fella with the SI issues? Just a hypothetical question. I hope your ideas work because they sound good to me. We haven't dealt with this here. Well, maybe I can get this way sometimes. I love the movie, "It's a Wonderful Life" because sometimes I feel like George Bailey and I just need to know that someone else has been there too. If your guy is like me, and really affected (in a positive way by books and movies) I'd look for some that deal with this theme to help him experience what the character goes through (experiment in living from the TOG literature terms). Praying for you all. What a sweet guy!
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Laurie