Please Pardon the Dust.....

I'm having a hard time deciding which Christmas background to use this month!

A Hard Week

A couple weeks ago in MOPS, we had a christian counselor talk to us about anxiety. She shared her professional insight into what it is and what it is not, how to combat anxiety, and how to saturate our minds with the truth (including God's truth in the Bible). It was a well done talk and it turned out to be very timely for me because I had a day of intense anxiety this week over our unemployment situation. I allowed my eyes to wander off of Jesus and dwell for awhile on all the "what ifs". That in turn caused me to be short with my family. I was a bad wife and a bad mommy and a bad teacher that day, which made me feel guilty. And the guilt spread to every area of my life where I am not performing to my own high standards (not to mention God's!). And so the spiral went. Marriage, parenting, teaching, ministering, being a friend. In all those areas I heard the "you're not good enough" message in my head over and over. You know that emotional ride that spirals ever downward? Yeah, that one. I was stuck on it for awhile. Ugh. It is a bad, bad ride.

The day we decorated our Christmas tree was also the day I was overwhelmed with missing our little twins. If they had lived they would be turning 2 this month. Decorating the tree all together, unwrapping our favorite ornaments and hearing the children say, "oh I remember this one!" and "this is the one I love the best!" was very, very sweet. It made me sad that our little twins were missing it. I truly would not wish them back from heaven, but there is a part of my mama's heart that still misses the opportunity to raise them. When I hung their memorial ornament on the tree I had to excuse myself and go cry in the bathroom for a few minutes. (I do love and miss all the babies we have lost before they were born, but the twins are unique in that they came AFTER all our other children. Our last two children were born inbetween several miscarriages, and would not be here if those babies had lived.)

So.

It was a tough week, emotionally.

God, in His ever loving and ever tender way, saw that I needed encouragement and He showed His grace in such amazing ways to me this week.

First of all, we had an awesome church service last Sunday, really focusing on the majesty and kingship of Jesus. I had goosebumps and felt awe throughout the entire service. When I focus on who Jesus is, who He REALLY is: King of Kings! .....how can I but bow before Him in awe? All of the problems that so consume us humans are just teeny tiny compared to His splendor and power. Oh if I could only keep my eyes fixed on Him at all times!

Then a few days later we received an encouraging letter and an unexpected financial gift from my parents. I can imagine how difficult it is for them as parents to see their children go through trials. I know this is in our parenting future as well. Just as parenting will not end when our children leave home, the need to trust them to God will never end either. In fact, in many ways, I suspect this need will be even greater when our children are adults! With our authority, responsibility and control greatly minimized, but our love for them and concern for their well being ever growing, the need to trust God for them will grow as well. Thank you mom and dad, for this gift, and for trusting us to the One who loves us even more than you do.

A couple days later I received a package in the mail from a dear friend. She instructed me to first read these words from Matthew 6 before opening:

"Look at the birds of the air, they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"

Inside the package was a beautiful ornament meant to remind me of God's faithfulness. It brought me to tears to think of how much God loves us. Thank you so much my friend for this loving reminder to keep my eyes on Jesus and to rest in His love and faithfulness. Everyone, is this ornament not perfect?


As if this were not enough encouragement, this morning in church I was handed an envelope that felt mysteriously fat (for those of you who are detail oriented, I started this post on Friday, so it is dated Friday, but I finished and posted it on Sunday). Inside was a lovely handstamped card, with a very encouraging note and a large cash gift. I was overwhelmed again! Truly, we are so undeserving of this outpouring of God's love and grace. But again, that's why it's called grace. Isn't it wonderful that our God is a God of grace??! I am humbled and thankful. Though today's financial gift is a great blessing, it isn't even really about the money. It's another reminder that God has not forgotton us. He is with us. Emmanuel. Like the boots a couple weeks ago, it is another kiss from God.

Okay God, I got the message loud and clear! Thank you for being patient with me and remembering that I am dust. Thank you for revealing Yourself to me in big and small ways. At this time of year especially, it is causing me to reflect on the meaning of your name Emmanuel. How incredible that You, You, are with us! Help us to be faithful to You in the daily things. To remember that ultimately we answer to You. Help me, as the emotional center of our home, to keep my eyes on You and to speak only your truth to our children. Please Lord, let your peace cover us and let us rest in You. We love you Lord. Amen.

Gingerbread House!

Every year, one of our daughter's best friends has several of her friends over for a gingerbread house decorating party. They provide the houses and the guests all bring candy to share in the decorating. It is always a fun evening, and very cool to look back and see how our daughter has chosen to decorate her houses differently from year to year. This year she focused on the yard rather than the house (she said since we didn't have lights on the outside of OUR house, she was going to put them on the outside of HER house!).



Friends are such a blessing in life!

Little Man's Singing Debut!

The 3's and 4's sang in church last Sunday. They were very cute and did a wonderful job!! Little Man is in the gingerbread man sweater.

When you watch the video you'll see why we are oh so proud of him. He's the one who, um, is looking behind him throughout most of the song!

GO NAVY, BEAT ARMY!!!!

And did they ever.....24 to 0!! Whoo-hoooo!! Last Saturday was the annual army-navy football game. Watching it together and cheering loudly for navy has become a family tradition of ours. Here we are in our blue and gold (and gray) cheering for our team! A Naval Academy tradition is for all the freshmen (called plebes) to do the same number of pushups as the current score every time Navy earns more points. Though we have no plebes in our family, pushups are always a good thing, so everyone carved out a spot on the floor and did pushups each time Navy scored! Watching football and getting a workout too, what could be better?

The Blessing of Boots

Every fall when we get our first snow, we do a massive boot "try on" and see who needs new boots and who still fits in their old ones. We have purchased enough boots over the years that we have several sizes and they get passed down through the ranks from year to year. Despite this fact, three of the children needed boots last winter, but made do with hurting toes in old, too-small ones. This winter 4 of them needed new boots, everyone but Little Man, and I planned on buying them right after payday on Dec 1. Then we got the news of the layoff and I immediately began planning on what NOT to buy. Boots were on that list. Shoes are a necessity, but boots........ some would argue that they are a necessity where we live, but compared to food on the table they don't make the cut!

The day my hubby came home with the layoff news, he called one of his closest friends here and told him also. The friend said, "don't go anywhere - I'm coming right over." He drove straight over to give my husband an encouraging pep talk, assurances of prayer, and a $100 gift card to Target. He said that he had already purchased the gift card a while ago to "encourage" us, and when he learned of the layoff he thought it would be the perfect time.

So a few days later we went to Target and happily bought new boots for everyone who needed them! Isn't God good? I was so overwhelmed and humbled by this gift, and by the fact that God used it to remind us IMMEDIATELY that He would provide for ALL our needs. Tearfully, I told my husband that we didn't deserve it, and he said, "that's why it's called grace."

Grace. Unmerited favor. Something we don't deserve. God shows His grace in a huge variety of ways. This week He showed it to us in boots.

Laid Off

Two days before Thanksgiving my hubby lost his job. I didn't want to write about it here until we'd told all the relatives ourselves. The company my hubby worked for needed to cut costs and he was one of the ones let go. So....we are back in the ranks of the unemployed and my hubby is once again job searching. For any readers who don't know us personally (or don't remember) we have been through this many times before. There have been specifics that have varied with each layoff, but through all the periods of unemployment we have learned over and over how faithful God is to provide for His children. By God's grace I am truly not worried at this point about how we are going to pay our bills (I'm sure those days will come!). I am more concerned about learning the lesson God wants to teach us through THIS lay off. I think (I hope) I've learned the lesson about God providing for us financially from some of our previous layoffs, and I sense there may be a different lesson this time. I don't want to miss it. My hubby doesn't want to miss it. Please pray with us that we will keep our eyes on Jesus and clearly see the direction He provides and the lesson He desires to teach us.

My husband seemed a little lost for the first few days. He had to turn in his work laptop, which meant that our whole family was sharing our one desktop computer that we own. When you spend all your working hours on a computer, it is strange to not have one in front of you! He has since negotiated with his employer to purchase his laptop from them for $500. It was a much better deal than a comparable computer brand new, and since it's two years old they didn't really want to keep it sitting around their office. So it was a win-win situation. They will take the $500 out of his one month severance check, so next month could be even tighter than usual unless my hubby finds another job by then.

Before his layoff, we had explored the possibility of him working an early morning shift at UPS or FedEx loading trucks, allowing him the whole day for his regular job. These companies always hire extra workers during their busy Christmas season, and we felt a little extra income right now would be so helpful. But we didn't act on it right away. Immediately after his layoff he went to apply there and apparently one week makes a big difference because neither of them are hiring more holiday workers right now. :-(

We are finding our "unemployment routine", which is so necessary. Even though it's temporary, it has been important for my hubby and I to communicate clearly what our expectations are of each other during the period of time that he is home more. And he needs to continue to structure his day so that he can be productive in his job search and also do things at home that always get pushed to the back burner when he's busy working. Please pray with us that we can maintain a good routine and communicate often and well. Unemployment can be so stressful on a marriage. We recognize that, and we long to instead redeem this time and use it to make our marriage even stronger.

This past Monday was date night. We figured it may be our last "real" date in a while, so we went out to a medium nice restaurant (nicer than Denny's!) and had a good talk about everything. We both expressed willingness to lay everything on the table in our prayers, and to try and think outside the box. I guess to be willing to accept it if the Lord leads us outside the box. Does that make sense? Whether it means moving out of the area, or moving to a different career, or going back to school to pursue a dream. Whatever it is, we agreed to be open to it. We affirmed that money (or lack thereof) does not have to prevent us from finding a way to pursue something different if that his how the Lord leads us. We can be creative. We can find a way. We live in a very high cost of living area, so some avenues seem impossible to pursue here. In other places, however, money would be less of an issue. At this point we both still desire to stay here, but we are willing to move and seeking to hear God's still small voice.

If the Lord brings us to mind, please pray for us during this time. Pray that we keep our eyes on Jesus and that we don't get in the way of Him bringing glory to Himself! Truly, He is SO faithful and so loving and good. Everything He does or allows is for our good. I know this in my head and I believe it in my heart. How thankful I am to belong to Him!

"For the Lord is good and His love endures forever; His faithfulness continues through all generations." ~ Psalm 100:5