Sad News

This is the last place in all the areas of my life that I have not shared this news, mostly because my blog is barely used (or read) anymore, so it was not a high priority.  But there may be a few of you who still connect with me in this way, and for you few I am sorry you may be just learning this.  There is no easy way to say it.  Our little man, our youngest son, died last year in a tragic accident inside our home (not gun related).  It happened in January of 2021, just over a year ago, and I don't think the shock of it has fully worn off yet.  We have been completely devastated, and this has been by far the hardest year of my life.

He had turned 16 just three weeks before he died.  And literally in one night our lives completely changed.  Suddenly my homeschool journey ended.  We were thrust into the post-homeschooling stage of our lives.  We do have two young adult sons still living at home, but they are in and out all the time, so we are virtually empty nesters.  Little Man's death has dramatically changed the nature of my day to day life, and has rocked me to my core like nothing else.

Grief has been my constant companion since that day, and it is a cruel but profound teacher.  Most days, by God's grace, I function well.  But my inner world has been one of turmoil, questions, doubt, fear, anguish, wrestling, crying, on my way to acceptance.  I vascillate between thinking, "I can't believe this is my life now," and "this is my life now, let's see what I can make of it."

Because he was so young, and had so many friends, we made some really intentional choices early on. We had a traditional visitation at a funeral home, which was packed (so those who wanted to and needed to be convinced of his death could see him), and a funeral service at our church, also packed (which was in large part a praise and worship service, and at which three of his family members spoke). We allowed anyone who wanted to, to tuck a note beside him in his casket.  We asked everyone to dress casually, as that was his style. There was lots of flannel!  It was so hard, and so sweet, and so awful, and so good.

To say that God is still good sounds trite, but it is also true.  The ONE sure foundation I am standing on is that this tragic and awful circumstance has not in any way changed the nature or character of God.  His grace astounds me.  He has helped us in so many big and little ways, and continues to gently walk with me through the valley of the shadow of death.  I am deeply, deeply grateful, even though I am deeply, deeply devastated.

I don't know how much I will add to this blog, if at all. It was a fun way for me to log our homeschool days, almost like an online journal of sorts.  Those days are over for me now, and sometimes remembering is painful.  If this turns out to be my last blog entry, I will leave you with these encouragements:  Love your people.  Fiercely.  And trust in Jesus.