Transition is pretty much just a fancy word for change.
Most people don't like change. Change is hard. It is unknown and unpredictable. Even changes that we want and look forward to, like learning to live as a married person, or getting a new job, or having a new baby, can be difficult to navigate.
I am in a pretty intense season of change, of which our daughter H moving out is only one part. It is really hard and painful at times, but also really, really good. The Holy Spirit is showing me, mercifully in bits and pieces, how many bad habits I had developed, particularly when it came to how I related to my children and how I attempted to resolve conflict. And there just hasn't been a lot of time and mental space to learn to do things differently until now. The crisis of the week (or day) took most of my time and energy.
So I am very, very grateful that God is so patient with me. Patient in timing. Patient in revealing things when I am ready to see them. And patient with me as I process the information and suss out what He wants me to learn. He is so very good! What a good, good Father we have in God.
I am also very grateful for such a patient husband, and such patient and resilient children, who love me in spite of the mistakes I make with them!
Here is some of what I am learning:
~ how secondary trauma has affected the way I view the world
~ how having anger directed at me by one person has affected the way I anticipate interactions with others
~ how those anticipations and assumptions are almost always wrong
~ how forgiveness is the perfect antidote to anger
~ how to put healthy emotional boundaries in place
~ how to better see things from another person's point of view without getting defensive
These are BIG things to learn. GOOD things!! But it is a process and I am not finished yet. (again, thankful for God's patience!) It is a really wonderful thing to be 55 and still learning new things. :)
Transition is hard. But it can lead to better than before. That is what I want. That is what I am praying and working for. And by God's grace, that is what is happening in my life.
Showing posts with label spiritual life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label spiritual life. Show all posts
Friday, November 24, 2017
Thursday, August 10, 2017
Worship
There is almost nothing better than seeing my children worship God, and when they get to do it by leading others in to worship it's a little piece of heaven. Last Sunday Little Man played a piano prelude right before our worship service started! It was his first time to play in "big church," and he was nervous but did a great job. I videotaped him during rehearsal, at which time he made several small mistakes (no biggie!), but when he played it for real he absolutely nailed it. So proud of him!
Immediately following this, son G led the congregation in the opening worship song. He has played guitar in big church before, but has never been the lead singer. He also did a fantastic job! I am both proud and humbled, and so very thankful that my children love Jesus and want to worship Him!
Immediately following this, son G led the congregation in the opening worship song. He has played guitar in big church before, but has never been the lead singer. He also did a fantastic job! I am both proud and humbled, and so very thankful that my children love Jesus and want to worship Him!
Wednesday, August 2, 2017
Mission Trips
Three of our boys participated in two different mission trips this summer. The first one was a week in a local inner city, and you can see from this commissioning service photo that it was a big team! Three fourths of the team ran a VBS style day camp for children who live in one of the poorest zip codes in the country. Son C was in this group of kids. The other one fourth of the team did physical labor type work projects in the same impoverished neighborhood, and Little Man was in this group.
When we dropped them off we prayed AGAIN! (can't ever have too much prayer!)
The man in the red shirt and baseball cap is one of our two wonderful youth leaders. Son C is in the foreground.
Both our youth leaders. So thankful for these godly men who invest in the lives of my kids!
One week after this mission trip ended, sons G and C went on a similar mission trip to Puerto Rico!
They partnered with a local church there, putting on a VBS program for children, doing work projects at the church, a community center, and a local nursing home, but also participating in outreach events to give the church a greater presence in the neighborhood.
Even though the work was similar to that done on the previous mission trip, it felt different because they were working in a different culture and there was a language barrier to work around.
All three boys were greatly impacted by these mission trips, and I am so thankful they had the opportunity to go!
When we dropped them off we prayed AGAIN! (can't ever have too much prayer!)
The man in the red shirt and baseball cap is one of our two wonderful youth leaders. Son C is in the foreground.
Both our youth leaders. So thankful for these godly men who invest in the lives of my kids!
One week after this mission trip ended, sons G and C went on a similar mission trip to Puerto Rico!
They partnered with a local church there, putting on a VBS program for children, doing work projects at the church, a community center, and a local nursing home, but also participating in outreach events to give the church a greater presence in the neighborhood.
Even though the work was similar to that done on the previous mission trip, it felt different because they were working in a different culture and there was a language barrier to work around.
All three boys were greatly impacted by these mission trips, and I am so thankful they had the opportunity to go!
Friday, November 25, 2016
Giving Thanks
"I give thanks to my God for every remembrance of you." ~ Philippians 1:3
"We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you..." ~ Colossians 1:3
"We always thank God for all of you, remembering you constantly in our prayers." ~ I Thessalonians 1:2
"We must always thank God for you.." ~ 2 Thessalonians 1:3
Thanksgiving Breakfast
"We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you..." ~ Colossians 1:3
"We always thank God for all of you, remembering you constantly in our prayers." ~ I Thessalonians 1:2
"We must always thank God for you.." ~ 2 Thessalonians 1:3
Little Man stroking his uncle's head!
My mother in law had ALL of her children around her this Thanksgiving!
The balancing game - totally made up and spontaneous!
God is so good - this year Thanksgiving came at the perfect time for me, personally. While I have always been extremely thankful for my family, this year I have been struggling to be thankful for our current family dynamic. Our adoption story is not, on the surface, wonderful or beautiful. I know that in God's economy it is absolutely miraculous, but here in my economy, in my home, on a day to day basis, it is hard and messy and ugly and painful. Daughter H is a very angry person, and while she has valid reasons for feeling angry, she doesn't yet know how to handle her anger and it often erupts onto me and various members of the family. Each of the boys responds to her anger differently (daughter G being away at college means she deals with this the least now), and therefore our family dynamic is much different than it used to be, and different than I thought it would be at this stage.
Most of the time all of my physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental energy is required for the here and now of daily life, and there is a large part of me that has been reluctant to spend time "looking back" for fear it would make me discontent with "now." So I have just not allowed myself the time to grieve what used to be. I did that this week, before Thanksgiving. Just let myself feel all the sadness that has been hidden in my heart for a long time. The regret. The longing for things to be different.
When Thanksgiving morning came, I woke up at 8 to get the turkey in the oven, and I felt refreshed. Cleansed. Ready.
Holidays are complicated for us since daughter H joined our family. So many emotions are churned to the surface for her, and those emotions often bleed out to the rest of us. I won't say it was "easy" to navigate this Thanksgiving, but it was easiER.
Daughter H's emotional baggage will always be part of the backdrop of our lives, and helping our other children navigate it will be a full time job for the foreseeable future, but she and her baggage are part of God's plan for our family. Our dynamic is meant to include her. It is hard and messy and painful and amazing and mysterious and beautiful.
I am thankful.
Friday, April 15, 2016
Parenting is not for Wimps
Tough couple of weeks.
Y'all, I am a 50 something year old female. And I am educating four young men all day long. MEN. Three of them are teenagers. The older two are on the cusp of being fully grown men. They are going through the normal rhythms of growing up, wanting independence, and needing to show some adult sized responsibility. But they are going through that as men. When our oldest daughter went through that phase she went through it as a young woman. I was once a young woman. Women I get, because I am one. Going through it with young men is entirely different.
I have really felt the tension these past couple of weeks between what is required of them as my children, and what they want from me (which is basically hands off). It's tricky knowing how to balance the respect they need as young men who want to figure things out on their own, with still requiring that they get their math done.
And the scope of helping to problem solve with children at very different stages is just really big. In the last couple of weeks I helped our college daughter weigh the pros and cons of a summer job that would take her away from home much of the time, cried over a teen boy's harsher than anticipated words to me, and comforted our youngest son when he was distraught over the fact that he did not have his own wallet and still kept his allowance in a plastic cup from Caesarland (we went to Target to remedy that situation - problem solved. Boom! I wish all problems were so easy to solve!)
I have been pondering a lot, crying some, and praying much about how to parent these young men God has given us. There are so many things I want them to "own" before they leave our home, but even more than that, I want to keep communication with them open and make sure that as much as it lies with me, our relationships remains strong. I think the tears have come from a place of hurt, but also a place of fear. What do I fear? Poor judgment on their part. Choices that have bad consequences. Laziness. But most of all, the possibility of a broken relationship.
I have very little reason to think any of these things are going to happen. They simply loom as I feel my older boys beginning to pull away from me. I recognize that "pulling away" is normal, expected, and even wanted. Raising strong, independent, thinking adults is what I signed up for when I became a parent. But going through it with my young men just feels so different. It's uncomfortable and bittersweet and unknown. Hence the fear.
However, fear is not of God. God has been reminding me of what is true. His Word is true. And His Word tells me that:
He has not given me a spirit of fearfulness, but one of power, love, and sound judgment. (2 Tim. 1:7)
The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? (Hebrews 13:6)
Do not grow weary in doing good. (2 Thess. 3:13)
and
Trust in the Lord and do good. (Psalm 37:3)
So, by God's grace, I am trusting Him and doing good. Doing the next thing. Caring for my family in a myriad of little daily ways. He loves my children even more than I do! What a comfort. My mother gave me a great word of wisdom last week, and that was to relax and let it be organic. To depend on God each day to provide opportunities for investment into relationship with my boys, and to just take every opportunity as it comes. God will provide those because He also wants us to maintain strong, healthy relationships. What I want and what He wants are the same thing.
Thank you, God, for reminding me of your great love. Thank you for loving my children even more than I do. Thank you that they have each professed faith in you and that your spirit lives in them. Help them to know and depend on you more, and help me to show them what that looks like. Keep our relationships strong, Lord. Help each of my children know how much they are loved. Amen.
Y'all, I am a 50 something year old female. And I am educating four young men all day long. MEN. Three of them are teenagers. The older two are on the cusp of being fully grown men. They are going through the normal rhythms of growing up, wanting independence, and needing to show some adult sized responsibility. But they are going through that as men. When our oldest daughter went through that phase she went through it as a young woman. I was once a young woman. Women I get, because I am one. Going through it with young men is entirely different.
I have really felt the tension these past couple of weeks between what is required of them as my children, and what they want from me (which is basically hands off). It's tricky knowing how to balance the respect they need as young men who want to figure things out on their own, with still requiring that they get their math done.
And the scope of helping to problem solve with children at very different stages is just really big. In the last couple of weeks I helped our college daughter weigh the pros and cons of a summer job that would take her away from home much of the time, cried over a teen boy's harsher than anticipated words to me, and comforted our youngest son when he was distraught over the fact that he did not have his own wallet and still kept his allowance in a plastic cup from Caesarland (we went to Target to remedy that situation - problem solved. Boom! I wish all problems were so easy to solve!)
I have been pondering a lot, crying some, and praying much about how to parent these young men God has given us. There are so many things I want them to "own" before they leave our home, but even more than that, I want to keep communication with them open and make sure that as much as it lies with me, our relationships remains strong. I think the tears have come from a place of hurt, but also a place of fear. What do I fear? Poor judgment on their part. Choices that have bad consequences. Laziness. But most of all, the possibility of a broken relationship.
I have very little reason to think any of these things are going to happen. They simply loom as I feel my older boys beginning to pull away from me. I recognize that "pulling away" is normal, expected, and even wanted. Raising strong, independent, thinking adults is what I signed up for when I became a parent. But going through it with my young men just feels so different. It's uncomfortable and bittersweet and unknown. Hence the fear.
However, fear is not of God. God has been reminding me of what is true. His Word is true. And His Word tells me that:
He has not given me a spirit of fearfulness, but one of power, love, and sound judgment. (2 Tim. 1:7)
The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? (Hebrews 13:6)
Do not grow weary in doing good. (2 Thess. 3:13)
and
Trust in the Lord and do good. (Psalm 37:3)
So, by God's grace, I am trusting Him and doing good. Doing the next thing. Caring for my family in a myriad of little daily ways. He loves my children even more than I do! What a comfort. My mother gave me a great word of wisdom last week, and that was to relax and let it be organic. To depend on God each day to provide opportunities for investment into relationship with my boys, and to just take every opportunity as it comes. God will provide those because He also wants us to maintain strong, healthy relationships. What I want and what He wants are the same thing.
Thank you, God, for reminding me of your great love. Thank you for loving my children even more than I do. Thank you that they have each professed faith in you and that your spirit lives in them. Help them to know and depend on you more, and help me to show them what that looks like. Keep our relationships strong, Lord. Help each of my children know how much they are loved. Amen.
Wednesday, November 25, 2015
Thankful
Hello bloggy world. It's been a long time.
Yes, I have been busy. Aren't we all?
Yes, fall for homeschoolers is a time when we prioritize the "schooling" part of our day, and that has taken precedence.
Yes, I have experienced many emotional ups and downs adjusting to having our oldest away at college, and all the changes that brings.
All of the above.
And in addition, our shepherding of daughter H going to public school turned out to be extremely difficult. The stress, expectations, and perceptions she brought to that experience just completely overwhelmed her. When she is overwhelmed her go-to behavior is to lash out in anger at anyone and anything around her. Which was usually me. When your heart is shredded, and your other children are hurting, and you are chronically tired and financially stretched, and every week brings a new previously-un-imagined hardship.....what do you say?
How do you couch "difficult" in encouraging language which does not portray anyone in a bad light and does not turn into a pity party?
I didn't know. And so I remained silent.
I still don't know. But I will share what I DO know......God is still in control. :) He is sovereign. Nothing that has happened this fall has surprised Him. He is strong enough to handle every single one of my stressors, and personal enough to care about each of them. He has been WITH US. Every day. Every hour. Every moment. Giving strength and wisdom and insight and comfort and peace. He loves my children even more than I do, and each of them are in His hands. He is so, so good.
As our family prepares for our Thanksgiving feast tomorrow, I have so much to be thankful for!
Daughter H came home from public school two weeks ago and said she was done. She hated it, hated who she was becoming, and didn't want to go back. We enrolled her in a charter high school and so far it has been a GREAT fit! Academically focused, small, lots of structure, services and people in place to help her who are communicating well with us. Here she is on her second "first" day of school:
Daughter G is home for the rest of the week. Yay!! Here is one of her projects for 2-D design class at college.
THIS boy got baptized last week. :) :) :) He loves Jesus so much! His heart for God makes mine smile.
These boys got braces. We are using a dental school to save money, and so far we have been very happy with our experience. The boys are not excited about having them on for the next two years, but very thankful that their teeth problems are being fixed. Thank you, God.
I'm in the middle of a bedroom purge/room makeover (it will be months before it's completely done, so don't be expecting "after" pics any time soon!). As part of this process I went through my jewelry drawer and got rid of all the stuff I never wear. I made this jewelry hanger for $6 and I love having most of my jewelry visible and accessible! Some lucky people shopping at the thrift store are going to hit paydirt with all the jewelry I gave away.
This boy just finished driver's ed! (this was as he was about to go for his first drive with the instructor. He was not happy with me for wanting to take a picture, but trust me, he was very excited for the drive!)
We still have a house! A nice warm one for these winter months, and we have plenty to eat. We can worship God freely and openly. We are safe, and do not live in fear of being bombed at any moment. I feel almost guilty with our safe, plentiful existence.
But I am thankful that God is the same God whether we have plenty or not. Whether we are always safe, or not. Whether we are happy or not. Whether there is strife in our home or not. All the time, HE IS GOOD.
And THAT is all I really need to know.
Yes, I have been busy. Aren't we all?
Yes, fall for homeschoolers is a time when we prioritize the "schooling" part of our day, and that has taken precedence.
Yes, I have experienced many emotional ups and downs adjusting to having our oldest away at college, and all the changes that brings.
All of the above.
And in addition, our shepherding of daughter H going to public school turned out to be extremely difficult. The stress, expectations, and perceptions she brought to that experience just completely overwhelmed her. When she is overwhelmed her go-to behavior is to lash out in anger at anyone and anything around her. Which was usually me. When your heart is shredded, and your other children are hurting, and you are chronically tired and financially stretched, and every week brings a new previously-un-imagined hardship.....what do you say?
How do you couch "difficult" in encouraging language which does not portray anyone in a bad light and does not turn into a pity party?
I didn't know. And so I remained silent.
I still don't know. But I will share what I DO know......God is still in control. :) He is sovereign. Nothing that has happened this fall has surprised Him. He is strong enough to handle every single one of my stressors, and personal enough to care about each of them. He has been WITH US. Every day. Every hour. Every moment. Giving strength and wisdom and insight and comfort and peace. He loves my children even more than I do, and each of them are in His hands. He is so, so good.
As our family prepares for our Thanksgiving feast tomorrow, I have so much to be thankful for!
Daughter H came home from public school two weeks ago and said she was done. She hated it, hated who she was becoming, and didn't want to go back. We enrolled her in a charter high school and so far it has been a GREAT fit! Academically focused, small, lots of structure, services and people in place to help her who are communicating well with us. Here she is on her second "first" day of school:
Daughter G is home for the rest of the week. Yay!! Here is one of her projects for 2-D design class at college.
THIS boy got baptized last week. :) :) :) He loves Jesus so much! His heart for God makes mine smile.
These boys got braces. We are using a dental school to save money, and so far we have been very happy with our experience. The boys are not excited about having them on for the next two years, but very thankful that their teeth problems are being fixed. Thank you, God.
I'm in the middle of a bedroom purge/room makeover (it will be months before it's completely done, so don't be expecting "after" pics any time soon!). As part of this process I went through my jewelry drawer and got rid of all the stuff I never wear. I made this jewelry hanger for $6 and I love having most of my jewelry visible and accessible! Some lucky people shopping at the thrift store are going to hit paydirt with all the jewelry I gave away.
This boy just finished driver's ed! (this was as he was about to go for his first drive with the instructor. He was not happy with me for wanting to take a picture, but trust me, he was very excited for the drive!)
We still have a house! A nice warm one for these winter months, and we have plenty to eat. We can worship God freely and openly. We are safe, and do not live in fear of being bombed at any moment. I feel almost guilty with our safe, plentiful existence.
But I am thankful that God is the same God whether we have plenty or not. Whether we are always safe, or not. Whether we are happy or not. Whether there is strife in our home or not. All the time, HE IS GOOD.
And THAT is all I really need to know.
Monday, August 17, 2015
Transitions
This summer is one of transitions.
We are transitioning as a family to having one less in our daily homeschool.
Our oldest is transitioning to college.
My husband and I are transitioning to being parents of a young adult.
Very soon we will transition to having only one daughter in the house instead of two.
Lots of changes.
In my quiet moments I have been reflecting on these changes, and finding strength in the Lord to face them. Almost no change is instantaneous. Like a road trip whose destination is known but whose journey is not, they are gradual shifts, with pitfalls and emotional peaks along the way. They are at the same time bitter and sweet. I am so excited for daughter G to go to college, but I am going to miss her so much. I am thankful the Lord has allowed us to finish the home school journey with her, but will miss planning out her school years. I am grateful for the years we have been allowed to parent and disciple her on the road to adulthood, but I can't quite believe our years of active parenting (of her) are coming to an end. She is going to have a full, rich life at college. That is good. But it is going to be so strange to not have her here at home, and in my humanness the anticipation of her absence doesn't feel good.
When I was growing up, my mother would often tell me and my sisters that feelings should be the caboose of our life, and faith should be the engine. Feelings are very real, but they are not necessarily true indicators of reality. How much better to base my life, by faith, on the God who is real and on what His Word declares to be true. I am God's child and precious to Him, whether I feel like it or not. He is sovereign and the one in charge, whether I want Him to be or not. He does love each of my children more than I do and is working for their good, whether it seems like it or not.
Throughout my life I have had many opportunities to exercise my faith muscle, and sad to say, I have not always done so. At times my emotions have gotten the best of me. But here I am, with more opportunities to trust. To live by faith. And I want to! I find the cry of my heart to be, "Lord, I trust You. Help me to trust You more!"
He is faithful.
He is loving.
He is good.
These are realities. My feelings will change. We will get through these transitions and life will go on, with new challenges and new emotions. But the reality of who God is, the truth of His Word, and how He interacts with me....these will never change! Thank you, God.
"....the Word of the Lord endures forever." I Peter 1:25
We are transitioning as a family to having one less in our daily homeschool.
Our oldest is transitioning to college.
My husband and I are transitioning to being parents of a young adult.
Very soon we will transition to having only one daughter in the house instead of two.
Lots of changes.
In my quiet moments I have been reflecting on these changes, and finding strength in the Lord to face them. Almost no change is instantaneous. Like a road trip whose destination is known but whose journey is not, they are gradual shifts, with pitfalls and emotional peaks along the way. They are at the same time bitter and sweet. I am so excited for daughter G to go to college, but I am going to miss her so much. I am thankful the Lord has allowed us to finish the home school journey with her, but will miss planning out her school years. I am grateful for the years we have been allowed to parent and disciple her on the road to adulthood, but I can't quite believe our years of active parenting (of her) are coming to an end. She is going to have a full, rich life at college. That is good. But it is going to be so strange to not have her here at home, and in my humanness the anticipation of her absence doesn't feel good.
When I was growing up, my mother would often tell me and my sisters that feelings should be the caboose of our life, and faith should be the engine. Feelings are very real, but they are not necessarily true indicators of reality. How much better to base my life, by faith, on the God who is real and on what His Word declares to be true. I am God's child and precious to Him, whether I feel like it or not. He is sovereign and the one in charge, whether I want Him to be or not. He does love each of my children more than I do and is working for their good, whether it seems like it or not.
Throughout my life I have had many opportunities to exercise my faith muscle, and sad to say, I have not always done so. At times my emotions have gotten the best of me. But here I am, with more opportunities to trust. To live by faith. And I want to! I find the cry of my heart to be, "Lord, I trust You. Help me to trust You more!"
He is faithful.
He is loving.
He is good.
These are realities. My feelings will change. We will get through these transitions and life will go on, with new challenges and new emotions. But the reality of who God is, the truth of His Word, and how He interacts with me....these will never change! Thank you, God.
"....the Word of the Lord endures forever." I Peter 1:25
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
(Almost) Wordless Wednesday
This week is our spring break but the weather is not cooperating, so I'm consoling myself by posting this picture from last week....my teen boys having their quiet times outside in the warm sun!
Saturday, February 14, 2015
Reposted from February, 2011 (because I need to be reminded!)
What's in a Valentine?
Do you know the origin of Valentines Day? Contrary to the complaints of some, it is not a holiday created by Hallmark just so they could make more money selling cards. For hundreds of years Valentines Day has been celebrated as a feast day in the Catholic Church. I am not catholic, and certainly do not claim to be an expert, but I do know that St. Valentine was a real person who was martyred for his faith. There were several "Valentines", but the one commonly referred to was a Roman priest who was executed by Claudius II around the year 270 A.D. Claudius was at that time persecuting christians, and Valentine provided assistance to them. Claudius considered this a crime and ordered his execution. He is said to have penned the jailer's daughter a farewell before his death, signing it "from your Valentine."
So, what should Valentine's Day stand for? Doing the honorable thing, the right thing, even when it's unpopular. Serving God wholeheartedly. Trusting Him in the face of death. Loving others from a pure heart.
The modern American trappings of Valentine's Day bear little resemblance to the devotion and sacrifice that started this holiday. We've made it into something else.
But it's good to remember the beginning.
Is my heart set on following God no matter what? Trusting him when life falls apart? Praising Him in the midst of trial and storm?
If it is, then my life is a valentine. A love letter to God. One that He delights in.
We love because He first loved us. ~ I John 4:19
So, what should Valentine's Day stand for? Doing the honorable thing, the right thing, even when it's unpopular. Serving God wholeheartedly. Trusting Him in the face of death. Loving others from a pure heart.
The modern American trappings of Valentine's Day bear little resemblance to the devotion and sacrifice that started this holiday. We've made it into something else.
But it's good to remember the beginning.
Is my heart set on following God no matter what? Trusting him when life falls apart? Praising Him in the midst of trial and storm?
If it is, then my life is a valentine. A love letter to God. One that He delights in.
We love because He first loved us. ~ I John 4:19
Friday, January 23, 2015
Discipline
I have a secret.
About 8 weeks ago I started training to run a 5K. I have been reluctant to say it out loud because that makes it real, and I am afraid of failure. Of not training enough to make it happen, or not finishing the race. But I have been running at a gym in the early mornings before the children are awake, thanks to a friend and accountability partner who drives me to and from! I am still in the early stages of training my lungs and my legs to RUN, but.... I am doing it.
It is both getting easier and not getting easier.
Last night my friend did not text to confirm a workout for this morning so I wasn't sure we were going. I set my alarm for 6:15 anyway. When my alarm went off, I lay in bed and prepared to text her to ask if she was planning on going to the gym. My fingers were seriously about to type "sorry, but I'm cancelling this morning" when instead they typed "are we going to planet fitness this morning?" Every ounce of my body wanted to stay in bed. But I didn't! I am actively striving to "discipline my body and bring it under strict control."
During these past weeks of exercise I have been pondering these verses in I Corinthians 9:24-27:
In light of that, what does it mean to discipline my spirit? My mind? My will? Make them do things they don't naturally want to do? And what is the prize? It is a "crown that will never fade away," which means eternal life with Christ! For the sake of that prize, what discipline am I willing to endure?
I don't want to just run. I want to run in such a way as to win the prize.
Teach me, Lord. And help me to run both the 5K and the race of life in such a way as to win!
About 8 weeks ago I started training to run a 5K. I have been reluctant to say it out loud because that makes it real, and I am afraid of failure. Of not training enough to make it happen, or not finishing the race. But I have been running at a gym in the early mornings before the children are awake, thanks to a friend and accountability partner who drives me to and from! I am still in the early stages of training my lungs and my legs to RUN, but.... I am doing it.
It is both getting easier and not getting easier.
Last night my friend did not text to confirm a workout for this morning so I wasn't sure we were going. I set my alarm for 6:15 anyway. When my alarm went off, I lay in bed and prepared to text her to ask if she was planning on going to the gym. My fingers were seriously about to type "sorry, but I'm cancelling this morning" when instead they typed "are we going to planet fitness this morning?" Every ounce of my body wanted to stay in bed. But I didn't! I am actively striving to "discipline my body and bring it under strict control."
During these past weeks of exercise I have been pondering these verses in I Corinthians 9:24-27:
"Don’t you know that the runners in a stadium all race, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way to win the prize. Now everyone who competes exercises self-control in everything. However, they do it to receive a crown that will fade away, but we a crown that will never fade away. Therefore I do not run like one who runs aimlessly or box like one beating the air. Instead, I discipline my body and bring it under strict control, so that after preaching to others, I myself will not be disqualified."I have read these verses many times over the years, but they take on new meaning when I am in the midst of physical training. Getting out of bed, going out in the cold, taking that first step on the treadmill....it is not fun. Not even a tiny little bit. But in doing it I know that I am "not running aimlessly," but rather for a goal, a prize. For the sake of the prize, I discipline my body. Make it do what it does not want to do.
In light of that, what does it mean to discipline my spirit? My mind? My will? Make them do things they don't naturally want to do? And what is the prize? It is a "crown that will never fade away," which means eternal life with Christ! For the sake of that prize, what discipline am I willing to endure?
I don't want to just run. I want to run in such a way as to win the prize.
Teach me, Lord. And help me to run both the 5K and the race of life in such a way as to win!
Monday, February 17, 2014
We've Got to Go Through It
We have a children's board book titled, "We're Going on a Bear Hunt." It was a favorite of our children when they were little, and I really liked it too because it was filled with really great adjectives (no those aren't very good adjectives, make that "rich, descriptive adjectives"!) and had a repetitive chorus to it that was easy to remember and fun to say. It starts like this:
We're going on a bear hunt.
We're going to catch a big one.
What a beautiful day!
We're not scared.
Oh-oh, grass!
Long, wavy grass.
We can't go over it.
We can't go under it.
Oh no, we've got to go through it.
Then followed some really fun word to represent the sound they made as they went through the grass, "swishy swashy." On the next page would be another obstacle, followed by the repetitive "we've got to go through it" chorus, followed by some other really fun word to represent the sound they made as they went through that obstacle. In the end they actually found a bear, realized it was big and scary, and ran home, going through all the obstacles very quickly in reverse order, and ended up huddled in bed together under the covers. Then they all loudly declared, "We're not going on a bear hunt AGAIN!"
It was a very fun book to read.
Much harder to live.
I haven't blogged in a long time mostly because I don't know what to say. How much to say. What words to use. How honest to be. It is much easier to just post pictures of a birthday party than to talk about life.
In reality, I am slogging through right now. It's not all bad, and there are happy moments, but it's mostly slogging. God made it very clear that adding daughter H to our family was His idea. I do not wish it different. I love her and becoming her mom makes me very happy. But it's also really, really hard. And there's no going over it, or going under it. She and I have got to go through it.
Some days she accepts me as her mom. Other days she doesn't. Some days she is obedient and respectful. Other days not so much. Some days she is loving toward me. Other days she is hurtful. Some days she can get her school work done, completely and well. Other days she cannot do a single thing. I know this inconsistency is pretty normal for all kids. But for her it is extreme, and complicated by all the pain, rejection, loss, and shame she feels from her past. She has patterns of thinking and patterns of behavior that are destructive to herself and those around her. Thirteen years of pattern making is not easily changed.
What gives me great hope is that we are not alone as we go through it. God says, "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you. So we say with confidence, the Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?" ~ Hebrews 13:5-6
And elsewhere the apostle Paul says, "Since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." ~ Hebrews 12:1-3
Please pray for me, that I will not grow weary and lose heart. That I will say with confidence, the LORD is my helper! That I will persevere as we "get through it."
I don't want to go over it.
I don't want to go under it.
I want to go through it, and end up safely at home.
We're going on a bear hunt.
We're going to catch a big one.
What a beautiful day!
We're not scared.
Oh-oh, grass!
Long, wavy grass.
We can't go over it.
We can't go under it.
Oh no, we've got to go through it.
Then followed some really fun word to represent the sound they made as they went through the grass, "swishy swashy." On the next page would be another obstacle, followed by the repetitive "we've got to go through it" chorus, followed by some other really fun word to represent the sound they made as they went through that obstacle. In the end they actually found a bear, realized it was big and scary, and ran home, going through all the obstacles very quickly in reverse order, and ended up huddled in bed together under the covers. Then they all loudly declared, "We're not going on a bear hunt AGAIN!"
It was a very fun book to read.
Much harder to live.
I haven't blogged in a long time mostly because I don't know what to say. How much to say. What words to use. How honest to be. It is much easier to just post pictures of a birthday party than to talk about life.
In reality, I am slogging through right now. It's not all bad, and there are happy moments, but it's mostly slogging. God made it very clear that adding daughter H to our family was His idea. I do not wish it different. I love her and becoming her mom makes me very happy. But it's also really, really hard. And there's no going over it, or going under it. She and I have got to go through it.
Some days she accepts me as her mom. Other days she doesn't. Some days she is obedient and respectful. Other days not so much. Some days she is loving toward me. Other days she is hurtful. Some days she can get her school work done, completely and well. Other days she cannot do a single thing. I know this inconsistency is pretty normal for all kids. But for her it is extreme, and complicated by all the pain, rejection, loss, and shame she feels from her past. She has patterns of thinking and patterns of behavior that are destructive to herself and those around her. Thirteen years of pattern making is not easily changed.
What gives me great hope is that we are not alone as we go through it. God says, "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you. So we say with confidence, the Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?" ~ Hebrews 13:5-6
And elsewhere the apostle Paul says, "Since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." ~ Hebrews 12:1-3
Please pray for me, that I will not grow weary and lose heart. That I will say with confidence, the LORD is my helper! That I will persevere as we "get through it."
I don't want to go over it.
I don't want to go under it.
I want to go through it, and end up safely at home.
Monday, January 27, 2014
Monday encouragement for myself
"He who guards his lips guards his soul, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin." ~Proverbs 13:3
"Oh Lord, I call to you; come quickly to me. Hear my voice when I call to you. May my prayer be set before you like incense; may the lifting up of my hands be like the evening sacrifice. Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips." ~ Psalm 141:1-3
"O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory above the heavens. From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise because of your enemies, to silence the foe and avenger." ~Psalm 8:1-2
"The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name will trust in You, for You, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you." ~ Psalm 9:9-10
Lord, you know that Mondays are often difficult days in our home. This Monday is no exception. I am emotionally and physically weary, and there are so many things and people vying for my attention. Help me to praise You when I am feeling overwhelmed. According to Psalm 8:2, praise defeats my enemy! I know that satan is the enemy of my soul and wants me to live in a constant state of discouragement. I cannot be effective when I am discouraged. Though my own flesh is weak, as your child I claim Your strength! I claim your grace for this day. I claim your wisdom and love to flow from my lips, and not the darker thoughts that would like to be spoken. I choose to praise You, for You are the same every day regardless of my circumstances. Your love for me is wide and deep and all-encompassing, even when I fail and disappoint You. You are unchanging, magnificent, holy God. I praise and worship You. Amen.
"Oh Lord, I call to you; come quickly to me. Hear my voice when I call to you. May my prayer be set before you like incense; may the lifting up of my hands be like the evening sacrifice. Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips." ~ Psalm 141:1-3
"O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory above the heavens. From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise because of your enemies, to silence the foe and avenger." ~Psalm 8:1-2
"The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name will trust in You, for You, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you." ~ Psalm 9:9-10
Lord, you know that Mondays are often difficult days in our home. This Monday is no exception. I am emotionally and physically weary, and there are so many things and people vying for my attention. Help me to praise You when I am feeling overwhelmed. According to Psalm 8:2, praise defeats my enemy! I know that satan is the enemy of my soul and wants me to live in a constant state of discouragement. I cannot be effective when I am discouraged. Though my own flesh is weak, as your child I claim Your strength! I claim your grace for this day. I claim your wisdom and love to flow from my lips, and not the darker thoughts that would like to be spoken. I choose to praise You, for You are the same every day regardless of my circumstances. Your love for me is wide and deep and all-encompassing, even when I fail and disappoint You. You are unchanging, magnificent, holy God. I praise and worship You. Amen.
Monday, October 28, 2013
Trunk 'n Treat
We had a very successful trunk 'n treat at our church yesterday! So thankful for the mild temps, no rain, and very little wind. Each of our older children's small groups hosted a trunk, and daughter G was tasked with making the decorations for her trunk's theme ~ Candyland!
She and daughter H also agreed to be princesses so that little girls could have their picture taken with a princess (there was a whole organized set up for this!). They both looked so lovely and handled themselves just wonderfully with the children.
Here are all the princesses together.
Little Man as "lego man." He and I got to just walk around and trunk and treat!
Son L with his small group guys doing a tailgater theme for their trunk.
Son C (green face) and his small group did a toy story theme. He was a toy soldier in case you can't tell. ;)
Some of the trunks were pretty funny!
One of my dear friends. A single lady, doing what she can to bless others!
Daughter G's small group ended up spreading Candyland over four different trunks. She has such a great group of girl friends in this group!
We had lots and lots of people from the community come through. What a great time we had, introducing our community to our church and having fun at the same time!
She and daughter H also agreed to be princesses so that little girls could have their picture taken with a princess (there was a whole organized set up for this!). They both looked so lovely and handled themselves just wonderfully with the children.
Daughter G's small group ended up spreading Candyland over four different trunks. She has such a great group of girl friends in this group!
We had lots and lots of people from the community come through. What a great time we had, introducing our community to our church and having fun at the same time!
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Spiritual Milestone!
Today our daughter H was baptized, along with her bio sister, by my husband.
A beautiful picture of how God is making all things new.
A day we could not have foreseen a year ago. A day prayed for and fought for.
A
very
special
day.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Thursday's Thankful Things
I am thankful for...
Our great God
Music
Worship
My children
My children worshiping God together through music!
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Waiting
My few remaining blog readers have undoubtedly noticed that my posting has been sparse of late. Time is certainly at an even higher premium than it was two months ago, but more than that.... it is hard to know what to say. How do I describe, on such a forum as a public blog, what it is like to add another half grown child to the family? To deal with the adjustments, on everyone's part, and the new dynamic in our family? To experience with her the trials of her past that are bleeding into the present, as well as the joy of seeing her blossom before our very eyes?
How do I describe the love I feel for a child not my own? She is not mine through birth or adoption. But she is mine in my heart.
How do I describe what it is like helping my birth children navigate through this journey? How to help them see things from her point of view, without sharing more of her past than they are able to handle or need to know?
How do I describe the complicated nature of sharing her with her birth mom?
What do I even call myself? Not mom. Not even a foster mom. Yet I am mothering her. Not exactly a friend ~ more than a friend, yet I am befriending her.
How do I describe what I feel when I consider her future? Is it with us? Or with her birth mom? I do not yet know. But I know it is with God. She is His in ways she will never be mine.
What a comfort!
So I wait. I wait for answers. I wait to see more of God's will fleshed out for us. I wait to see what He will do next in her life, and in mine. I wait.
"Yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary." ~ Isaiah 40:31
"We have waited for you eagerly.." ~ Isaiah 26:8
How do I describe the love I feel for a child not my own? She is not mine through birth or adoption. But she is mine in my heart.
How do I describe what it is like helping my birth children navigate through this journey? How to help them see things from her point of view, without sharing more of her past than they are able to handle or need to know?
How do I describe the complicated nature of sharing her with her birth mom?
What do I even call myself? Not mom. Not even a foster mom. Yet I am mothering her. Not exactly a friend ~ more than a friend, yet I am befriending her.
How do I describe what I feel when I consider her future? Is it with us? Or with her birth mom? I do not yet know. But I know it is with God. She is His in ways she will never be mine.
What a comfort!
So I wait. I wait for answers. I wait to see more of God's will fleshed out for us. I wait to see what He will do next in her life, and in mine. I wait.
"Yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary." ~ Isaiah 40:31
"We have waited for you eagerly.." ~ Isaiah 26:8
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Post Election
Probably the most significant election in my lifetime, so far, is now over. For our family it was very disappointing. As a family we were not exactly supporting a candidate as much as we were supporting American self-government and the candidate that we felt would best represent our christian worldview. We involved the children as much as we ever have in an election, praying together, discussing major issues, the values of each candidate as much as we could measure them, pausing in the middle of TV ads and explaining the truth or error of them.... then praying some more. We knew it would probably be close, but fully expected Romney to win.
I took all the children with me to vote, not just to the polling station but all the way into the booth with me. Showed them the ballot, explained the proposals for our state. It was a long ballot, and they were extremely patient as I filled in all the little bubbles for about 10-15 minutes. Little Man proudly fed my ballot into the counting machine and we were each given an "I voted!" sticker. I got tears in my eyes as I solemnly told the children, "thousands and thousands of people have died for the right to do what I just did." Our daughter, especially, felt the weight of that, as this is the last general election before she too will be voting.
We sat down that evening in front of the TV, each of us with our electoral college map and several blue and red crayons. We popped popcorn and anticipated coloring huge portions of the map red. Which of course we did, just not the most populated sections.
When Romney took an early lead the children were ecstatic! We muted the TV in between "state calling" and played games. When a new state was ready to be called, we un-muted the TV and ran to get our crayons. The mood was very upbeat and fun.
By about 10:30 we realized that it was going to take much longer to count Ohio, Virginia, and Florida, so we put the boys to bed, promising to tell them first thing in the morning who had won. We let our daughter stay up with us.... we prayed.... we watched.... we listened.... our daughter picked up on the obvious media bias toward Obama (yay for critical thinking!!). The three of us pondered the possibility that we might not know for several more DAYS who had actually won.... and prayed that it would be decisive and we would know that night.
God answered that particular prayer with a yes, but most of the other ones with a no. We were completely stunned when the TV commentators announced that Obama was our 44th president. The mood in our family room was instantly deflated. I felt myself going very rapidly through the stages of grief... first denial, then anger, then bargaining. We watched to the bitter end to be absolutely sure. Finally, acceptance and just an overwhelming sadness.
I was very saddened in the morning to have to tell our boys that Obama had won. They thought at first that I was joking. After breakfast I gathered the children together and had a very serious conversation with them about what this could mean for our country and for us, as a family. I am not much of an alarmist, but I do not want to be unprepared, nor do I want my children to be unprepared for the trials that are sure to come. I do not know in what form they will come, but they will come. Each of the children prayed... such heart felt and honest and simple prayers. How God must love the prayers of children!
Later that morning I posted this to facebook:
One of my friends, who supports Obama and his worldview, encouraged me to take heart, and said she was sad that I was sad, to which I replied:
That first post-election day was a grieving day for me. I got very little else done. But Thursday morning, I woke up galvanized for action! If this was, indeed, a wake up call to God's children, I heard it loud and clear. I am awake! God help me to be more faithful to you, more faithful to my husband, more intentional with my children. Help me to be more aware of what my government is doing, more mindful of world events, more dedicated to sharing God's good news with the lost, more compassionate to the hurting. Help us as a family to be prepared for financial hardship, to be prepared to defend our faith, not just in big ways but in small every day ways. Help us to be READY for what comes next, whatever that may be. Awake, watchful, and ready.
And most of all, help us to be ready for our heavenly bridegroom. "When He shall come with trumpet sound, oh may I then in Him be found. Dressed in His righteousness alone, faultless to stand before the throne. On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand! All other ground is sinking sand."
I took all the children with me to vote, not just to the polling station but all the way into the booth with me. Showed them the ballot, explained the proposals for our state. It was a long ballot, and they were extremely patient as I filled in all the little bubbles for about 10-15 minutes. Little Man proudly fed my ballot into the counting machine and we were each given an "I voted!" sticker. I got tears in my eyes as I solemnly told the children, "thousands and thousands of people have died for the right to do what I just did." Our daughter, especially, felt the weight of that, as this is the last general election before she too will be voting.
We sat down that evening in front of the TV, each of us with our electoral college map and several blue and red crayons. We popped popcorn and anticipated coloring huge portions of the map red. Which of course we did, just not the most populated sections.
When Romney took an early lead the children were ecstatic! We muted the TV in between "state calling" and played games. When a new state was ready to be called, we un-muted the TV and ran to get our crayons. The mood was very upbeat and fun.
By about 10:30 we realized that it was going to take much longer to count Ohio, Virginia, and Florida, so we put the boys to bed, promising to tell them first thing in the morning who had won. We let our daughter stay up with us.... we prayed.... we watched.... we listened.... our daughter picked up on the obvious media bias toward Obama (yay for critical thinking!!). The three of us pondered the possibility that we might not know for several more DAYS who had actually won.... and prayed that it would be decisive and we would know that night.
God answered that particular prayer with a yes, but most of the other ones with a no. We were completely stunned when the TV commentators announced that Obama was our 44th president. The mood in our family room was instantly deflated. I felt myself going very rapidly through the stages of grief... first denial, then anger, then bargaining. We watched to the bitter end to be absolutely sure. Finally, acceptance and just an overwhelming sadness.
I was very saddened in the morning to have to tell our boys that Obama had won. They thought at first that I was joking. After breakfast I gathered the children together and had a very serious conversation with them about what this could mean for our country and for us, as a family. I am not much of an alarmist, but I do not want to be unprepared, nor do I want my children to be unprepared for the trials that are sure to come. I do not know in what form they will come, but they will come. Each of the children prayed... such heart felt and honest and simple prayers. How God must love the prayers of children!
Later that morning I posted this to facebook:
So, so sad for the future of our country, and for the future of Israel. As I listened to Obama's acceptance speech, so well written and delivered, it struck me how at odds his words were with the *actions* he has taken during these last 4 years as president (wanting to leave our children a country free of debt, yet wracking up the largest deficit in history, declaring we had the strongest military in the world, while actively working to dismantle it, etc..) and I was filled with profound sadness for my children. Hubby and I turned off the TV, clung to each other, and prayed like never before... begging God's forgiveness for how we as a nation have turned our backs on Him, affirming outloud the truth that HE is in control, not Obama, HE is Lord of the universe, not Obama, we put our trust in HIM, not in Obama (or any man). I went to bed, still sad, but with a less heavy heart. May the Lord help us to cling to truth, and to have the courage to stand strong for HIM during the trials that are ahead.
One of my friends, who supports Obama and his worldview, encouraged me to take heart, and said she was sad that I was sad, to which I replied:
Don't be sad that I am sad. Be sad that our country has so turned its back on the God who, by His providence and grace, allowed it to be formed in the first place. My sorrow is not over Romney's loss, nor even over Obama's win, exactly. But over what his win MEANS for our country. How he will interpret his win, and what may be irreparably done in the next four years. There will be decisions that harm us as a country that cannot be reversed. There very well may be sovereignty lost that cannot be regained. My sorrow is for my children ~ that they will grow up in, and inherit, a country far different than the one I grew up in. One that is increasingly hostile to their faith, and opposed to their deeply held, biblical beliefs. I do take heart, because my hope is in the Lord and not in any government! But in studying American history as intentionally as our family does, it is deeply saddening to see the erosion of our country from within. I am not speaking just of specific issues on which we both know that we disagree, but also on the very foundation of our government itself. I'm glad we can agree that God is in charge, and because He is, I trust that He is allowing what will come, and that He will be with His children as they go through it.
That first post-election day was a grieving day for me. I got very little else done. But Thursday morning, I woke up galvanized for action! If this was, indeed, a wake up call to God's children, I heard it loud and clear. I am awake! God help me to be more faithful to you, more faithful to my husband, more intentional with my children. Help me to be more aware of what my government is doing, more mindful of world events, more dedicated to sharing God's good news with the lost, more compassionate to the hurting. Help us as a family to be prepared for financial hardship, to be prepared to defend our faith, not just in big ways but in small every day ways. Help us to be READY for what comes next, whatever that may be. Awake, watchful, and ready.
And most of all, help us to be ready for our heavenly bridegroom. "When He shall come with trumpet sound, oh may I then in Him be found. Dressed in His righteousness alone, faultless to stand before the throne. On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand! All other ground is sinking sand."
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