Goodbye Old Van (or, what I learned about sacrificial giving)

Today our friend Mr. Ed came and hauled our old van away. Even though we are thrilled with our "new" (to us) van, it was somewhat emotional for the children to say goodbye to the old one, as this is the only vehicle any of them remember. They all had to go sit in it one last time!



Mr. Ed, who kindly loaned us his own van for a month while we were shopping for our new one, is going to try and fix it himself and use it to bless another family who needs transportation.


Sounds great, right?

Of course it is. But sadly, it took me a while to be willing to donate our van in this way. You see, I had been counting on the few hundred dollars we would get for it at a junkyard. I had specific plans for that money. When our van first became unusable last June, I consoled myself with the knowledge that we'd at least be able to pay off "xyz" with the money we'd get for it.

Then one Sunday a few weeks ago, our teaching pastor spoke on sacrificial giving. No problem. Know all about that. During lunch my husband and I had a great talk with the children about what sacrificial giving really is. It's not giving from your plenty. It's giving that costs you something. That's why the widow's offering in Luke 21 was so pleasing to the Lord. Though it was a small amount, even by their standards, it was all she had. So it cost her everything to give it. The children thought up several scenarios of giving that would cost them in some way, and they all seemed to get it, even Little Man!

I left the table feeling satisfied that we'd imparted such a valuable spiritual lesson to the children. Sacrificial giving explained and understood, check.

Obviously it was my turn for the lesson.

The very next day my husband told me about this opportunity to donate our van and have Mr. Ed fix it up for someone else. Generous man that he is, he really wanted to do it. For him, it was a no-brainer. For me, it was painful. I was counting on that money. And then the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart and said, "Pam, this is your chance to sacrifice that which you were anticipating. This is your opportunity to give sacrificially."

Oh how I did not want to do it!

After all the ways God had proven Himself faithful to us over these last two years of unemployment/underemployment, I still wanted to do things my way.

I wrestled. I cried. I went for a long drive.

I drove and I cried and I wrestled until I submitted that old van to God and fully embraced that it was His in the first place, to do with as He willed. I'm ashamed to admit that I even had to go on a long prayer drive over this, but that's the truth.

When I finally submitted to God, a great peace flooded my heart, and I was suddenly eager to give that van away! Think of how it might bless someone else, in the same way we have been blessed so many times!!

And so, with great joy, we said good bye to our old van today. I am excited that it might be given to another family in need (still questionable that it can be fixed, but we're hoping...), and even more than that, grateful for God's patience and tenderness to teach me, again, that His ways are best.


Lord, help me to trust You more.