Fun with Family

A few days after Christmas, my sister in law and her three children came from out of state to celebrate a late Christmas with us.  They stayed at our house so the cousins got a lot of great cousin time in, and we all had a great time.  We played a lot of card games.  This was the fast paced "spot it" I have mentioned before.  I crashed and burned on this one, but had fun anyway!

This was our first Christmas without my father in law, and we all felt his absence pretty acutely, none more so than my mother in law.  She is doing well adjusting to life without him, but it is HARD.

My sister in law with two of her kids.

Probably the most fun we had together was playing "Just Dance" on our new xbox.  Even *I* danced!!  And what good exercise, wow!  I was panting and huffing and puffing like crazy.  I should do that every day and I would soon be a skinny minny. ;)

Just after midnight on New Year's Eve.  Happy New Year!!  My mother in law was talking to her other son on the phone, so even though he was away at work he was in the picture too!

After sleeping in very late on New Year's Day, we later had a family sharing time where everyone gave an update on their lives and told us what we could be praying for them throughout this next year.  Before sharing time, everyone's phones had to be relinquished. :)

Just as our little friend admires son C's piano playing, son C admires his older cousin's playing! Even though he is a sophomore in college, he wasn't too old or too cool to play with C. They played numerous duets together.  Music to my ears.  Literally!

Proof that my sister in law can dance!

Our Week In Review

We've had an interesting week, school-wise and life-wise.  In school we are learning about the push for independence among South American countries during the early 1800's.  Little Man and I have enjoyed learning fun facts about the cultures of some S.A. countries, while the older children studied more about each country's journey to independence.  Fascinating how the ideas of freedom and justice spread from the American War for Independence, to the French Revolution, to South America!

For next week's writing assignment, each of the children got to pick a specific South American country to write mini reports on.  The reports will be put onto posters for our unit celebration coming up in a few weeks.

Just had to post this cute picture of Little Man wearing my reading glasses.  He realized that my glasses are called reading glasses, so deduced that they must cause anyone wearing them to magically READ!  He has been working hard to gain fluency in his reading.... it's a work in progress. :)

In life.... most of our week was spent caring for my 94 year old father in law, while his wife (my mother in law) was hospitalized for major abdominal surgery.  My father in law has had quite an interesting and varied life.... he worked in the 3 C's upon graduation from high school, signaling fire fighter aircraft from a watch tower.  Lived through the Great Depression as a young adult.  Served in WWII.  He went to art school and dreamed of becoming a working artist, but ended up drawing auto parts on a CAD machine for most of his working career.  He became an "older" dad ~ having four children from the time he was 40 to 47.  He used to have so many interesting stories to share.  But he is beyond sharing them now.  They have merged with other pieces of information in his brain to make somewhat fantastical, somewhat scary, somewhat sad, and somewhat funny false memories.  He has dementia.

We tried to engage him in activities, such as painting with our daughter like this:

But most of his time with us has been spent like this:

He is very hard of hearing, so even the noisy activities of the children did not always keep him awake.  And sleeping so much during the day has made it difficult for him to stay asleep at night.  Then he wonders where his wife is, and where he is, and what he is supposed to be doing.  Isn't it time to get up?  No dad, it is 3:00 a.m. 

It is sad for us to see him so diminished.  At times his trademark humor still flashes.  But those times are few and far between.  He has loved his family so well for so many years..... it is our privilege to love him well now.

So, look those you love in the eye and tell them what they mean to you, while they can still understand.  Ask questions and record the answers in some way.  Have your children interact with their grandparents ~ even if through pictures long distance, or through skype (mom and dad, I'm thinking webcam?!?).  Because there is a time for everything under heaven.  My father in law's forgetting time is here.  Thankfully so is our remembering time.

"Thank you" and "I Love You"

I have lived away from my ancestral home now for exactly half my life. That means that I have said many, many hellos and goodbyes to my parents and my sisters.


And in spite of doing it many times, it is never easy. I love these people deeply and fiercely. They matter very much to me. So saying hello is happy and exhilarating and wonderful, and saying goodbye is hard and wrenching and sad.


Most of the time when we say goodbye we do not know exactly when we will see each other again. And years ago I decided that since we can never know if we have tomorrow, I would say to them the things that matter most each time I said goodbye.




What are those things? How can I sum up in just a few words all my heart holds?



Thank you.

...for the childhood memories we share.

...for being such terrific parents and grand-parents.

...for being such generous sisters.

...for all that you've taught me.

...for being such a godly example to me, still.

...for following, praising, and worshipping God, no matter what.

...for loving each other, no matter what.

...for coming to visit, or allowing me to visit you ("visiting" means "living with"!).


Thank you.



I love you.

...for being who God has made you to be.

...for loving me in spite of myself.

...because you are so precious to me, and so cherished by God.

...and I always will.

I love you.



Five little words that carry so much meaning.

"Thank you."

"I love you."

Saturday Dates

Last Saturday I went on three dates.

I know!!!

The first one was a breakfast date with son C. We left the house while everyone else was still sleeping (which in our house does not necessarily mean super early). We ate breakfast at McDonald's, a first for him. We talked, and laughed, and had a great time together. He is such a fun guy to spend time with! Then we went and both got haircuts. We ended our date at Target where I bought him a special little surprise.....

walkie talkies!!

It's pretty fun when your son is so overwhelmed he is speechless and it takes several minutes before he can even say thank you. Very fun.

In the early afternoon I had a baking date with a new little friend of mine. I brought her to my house and we made chocolate chip cookies and whole wheat bread. It was her first time EVER to make cookies from scratch, and I'm pretty sure it was her first time to ever wear an apron. She was in her element, and I was blessed just seeing how much fun she was having!




She took two and a half dozen cookies home to her family, and a loaf of freshly baked bread. Yum!

In the evening I went to see the movie The Help with my good friend Emma. Oh. My. Word. GREAT, great, great movie. I can't remember the last time I have so thoroughly enjoyed a movie. It could have been the fact that I'd previously read the book. Twice. Or it could have been the amazing company I was with. Or maybe the movie was just really well made. :0)

After the movie Emma and I went to a restaurant and talked for four hours. Isn't it amazing how women never run out of things to talk about? Loved my time with her. Came home encouraged and invigorated and challenged and refreshed.

A wonderful day of dates! (and it beats cleaning house!)

Father - Daughter Dance

My husband and our daughter had a special date last night. They went to the annual homeschool father-daughter dance!

Here they were, right before setting out:



At the dance there were some instructors who taught them certain ballroom and country style dances. When they got home, they demonstrated the waltz for me (notice how hard they are both concentrating!).



Then my husband put on some rumba music and they had fun just free-forming it! They did NOT learn the rumba at the dance, they want me to tell you that. :-) This was close to midnight by now, and I think they were both a little punchy!





And just for reference, because I'm a mom and can't believe how fast our daughter is growing up, here is last year's picture: (there is about a 5" difference in height!)


Next year, Lord willing, I think my husband needs to wear a different tie. ;-)

27 year old encouragement

Today was a rough school day. Nothing major, just one of those days. One disgruntled child, one slow poke, three loud ones, and one tired mama is not a recipe for a happy day!

During grammar today our son L was looking up a word in the dictionary and I was helping him (note to self: so happy that Fix-It makes looking up one word a part of our daily routine! wonderful, wonderful, wonderful practice for this particular child!). Out of the dictionary fell a card that I keep in the back flap, from the people who gave me the dictionary 30 years ago: my grandparents Victor and Esther. They gave it to me for my high school graduation, but I also keep inside the dictionary the card they gave me when I turned 21. Here is what I read, in my grandma's beautiful flowing cursive before she lost her eyesight:

"Dear Pam ~ Now you are 21! Congratulations! You have given us 21 years of joy as grandparents. Now you are no longer that "little" granddaughter, but a young woman of whom we are very proud. Pam, I'll always cherish the memories I have of your first 21 years, but I'm also looking forward to the adventures with God you will have in the years to come. May this year be especially wonderful for you. God bless you! I love you, Grandma."

And in my grandpa's somewhat cramped style:

"Dear Pam ~ This is a "once in a lifetime" experience for you, for which we are very proud. May the next 21 years be even better, and then the next 21 even better yet. May the Lord direct your every footstep and keep you always as sweet as you are now. Love, Grandpa."

I sat there with tears in my eyes, took a deep breath and thought "I can do this". We finished looking up the word, and continued with our day, me feeling fresh encouragement and renewal for the tasks at hand. Homeschooling is certainly an incredible adventure with God! I wonder what my grandma would think if she could see me now. Our daughter is the only one of our children that my grandma got to meet before she died, and she was just a baby. My grandpa passed away before any of the children were born. How I miss them both! I'm so grateful they took the time to write their thoughts on paper and share them with me. I actually have several cards and letters from them, and I cherish each one.

Thank you, Lord, for godly grandparents who invested in me through years of prayer and intentional showing of love. Thank you for their encouragement today, across the years. Help me to live the dailyness of my days in a way that would make them proud, but that most of all honors YOU.

And I'm really glad my grandpa mentioned that third set of 21 years, since those are the years I'm in now! :-)

What I've learned so far.....

about being the parent of preteens/teenagers:

1. They need lots of time in the bathroom.

2. They need lots of time to get ready to go somewhere.

3. They need lots of time to get ready for bed.

4. They need lots of sleep.

5. They need lots of food.

6. They like to have intense conversations at bedtime.

7. They needs lots and lots and lots of positive affirmation.

8. Sometimes you just have to let them cry.

9. And when doing #8, you just need to be there and not say anything.

10. And when #8 and #9 are all over, they will hug you and say they are all better.

A Tribute to my Mother, my Mother in Law, my 2 sisters, and my many girlfriends on Mother's Day

***I wrote this post last year for Mother's Day, and since all my sentiments are the same (or more!) I decided to repost it for Mother's Day this year. Happy Mother's Day to all the special women in my life!***


To my wonderful, beautiful mother:

How I love and appreciate you! You were and are such a great mom. You were always both physically and emotionally present, showed your love in tangible ways, and set a good example of always putting God first in your life. I am indebted to you for teaching me so much ~ I truly do not have room here to count all the ways you have impacted my life! But if I had to pick the most important way you influenced me, I think it would be that you lived out an authentic faith. You didn't sugarcoat the trials, but rather showed how God was real, and invited Him in to every part of your life and our life as a family. Because your faith was so authentic and real, I never went through a period where I doubted God's existence or His love for me. That a real and personal God wanted to have a relationship with me felt as natural as breathing. This is such a gift! Thank you.

When I became a mother myself, I was overcome with how much you and daddy loved me. I always knew you did, but the intensity of those parental emotions did not really impact me until I felt them for my own baby. All that I felt for our new baby (each one!) I suddenly realized you had felt for me. I am so incredibly blessed to be your daughter. I hate it that we live so far apart, but I'd much rather be far geographically and have hearts knit together, than the other way around. I love you. I admire you. I am thankful for you. I depend on your prayers and though I am a very grown up "medium" mother myself, I still need you. Happy Mother's Day mom!


To my strong, amazing Mother in Law:

Thank you for raising my husband to be such a responsible, hard working man who deeply values God and family! Thank you for shaping him to be the man that I fell in love with. He is such a blessing in my life. Though we had some rocky mother-in-law/daughter-in-law moments early in our marriage, I have come to greatly admire what a strong woman you are. You have weathered many hardships well, that would have broken others. You have such a caring heart, and I love that you are so loyal. You are a fantastic grandmother to our children, and it is a very real blessing that we live close enough to be a part of each other's lives! I love you very much. Happy Mother's Day!


To my two wonderful, beautiful sisters:

Both of you mean so much to me. Though we don't know the ins and outs of each other's daily lives, I count you as my closest friends. Both of you married and had children long before I did, and so I was able to observe and learn by your example. Thank you for teaching me so much about marriage and relationships and parenting!! (even when you didn't know you were!) And then my older sister had pity on me and had two more children later in life that would be the same ages as our older two! Thank you! (I know you did that just for me.) You both are amazing mothers who are showing me every day the fine balance between holding your children close and letting them go to be the people God has created them to be. I love you so much. Happy Mother's Day!


To my many girl friends:

You all are such blessings in my life. Thank you. I am richly blessed by wonderful friends in real life, great cyber friends, friends from previous chapters of my life who I have lost touch with but had a positive impact on me, long distance friends, and golden oldie friends whom I have known for a long time and whose friendships I am still enjoying. I love that I have friends of all ages. Many are in the same stage of life as me, some have older kids and they encourage and mentor me as I look to the next stages of parenting. Some of my girlfriends have younger kids than mine, and I am able to encourage them that "this too shall pass". Some do not have children, and some do not have husbands, but they love God and embrace His plan for them. God is so good! Thank you, each of you, for being real and vulnerable and honest and funny and kind. Thank you for teaching me, encouraging me, sharing your life with me, praying with me. You are such treasures in my life. Happy Mother's Day!

Wild Times, Precious Times

Remember this?

March 17, 2009?


This is what we woke up to on April 6, 2009!

Just the typical wild spring weather in our state! I am happy to say that 2 days later the snow is nearly gone and the sun is shining. And I think the tips of my daffodils and crocuses are none the worse for wear.

In other wild news, we learned an important piece of information about bunkbeds last night. They are incredible platforms from which to projectile vomit. And when this happens during the night, the person on the lower bunk really wants to be sleeping near the wall, which thankfully he was, because..... you know, not all the vomit projectiles away from the bunkbeds. My husband and I both worked hard for an hour to clean it all up, while the sick boy (son L) dozed on the bathroom floor next to the toilet, and the bottom bunk boy (son C) slept soundly in our bed, albeit without his special quilt which made it on the fast track to the laundry. Even as I was scrubbing and wiping, a part of me was admiring what young, strong abdominal muscles are capable of! (I had sortof forgotton since mine are post-pregnancy, post-delivery, not-young, not-strong abdominal muscles). L is a little lethargic today so he has been taking it easy, but does not seem sick-sick (as opposed to just sick). We're not sure if he really has a virus or if it was a fluke. He has been hungry, and most importantly has been keeping all his food down, so we're grateful for that. Wild!

Daughter G and I had another precious tea time last night. She said she'd get everything ready "except for boiling the water", and when I came downstairs from kissing her brothers goodnight, this is what I found:



She had cut slices of bread into triangles, found a couple cookies and some strawberries, and arranged not only the tray but the entire room into a thing of beauty! I love her sense of beauty and style. We had a wonderful conversation, talking alot about various careers she could pursue after college. She wants to be a stay at home mom someday, but she wants to work at something first (just like her mama wanted!). We talked about her strengths and what her spiritual gifts might be. She is such a joy to my heart. Thank you, Lord, for the relationship G and I have. Please protect it and help us to do those things which will nurture it during the teen years that are just ahead.

Another precious and sweet moment happened this afternoon. We dropped G off at her horse riding lesson, leaving the sick boy at home with daddy, and the other 3 boys and I went to visit the grave of the baby we lost who would be turning 5 now. At the time we were not sure of the gender, but we imagined him to be a boy and named him Benjamin Peter. The boys and I sat and talked about Benjamin, and about what sometimes goes wrong when babies are growing in their mother's wombs, and about heaven. The boys sang happy birthday to their brother! Little Man, who was not old enough to remember the last time we visited Benjamin's grave, cried and cried. It was very touching and sweet.



As we drove away, son G told me, "Every time I visit a cemetery I always feel closer to God and to the people who died before us."

Lord, thank you that You have a plan and a purpose for every life, no matter how long or short they live. Thank you that each life touches so many others, often in ways we cannot see or understand. Thank you for the five healthy children You've blessed us with! Help us to raise them well, telling them of You and Your faithfulness, and showing them Your love. There is so much in life I do not understand, but I know that You ARE, that You are GOOD, and that You are in CONTROL. Thank you that no heartache will go unredeemed. I love you, Lord.

Bittersweet Moment on our life journey with SPD

"But by the grace of God, I am what I am." ~ 1 Corinthians 15:10

I witnessed a very bittersweet moment a few days ago involving our son L who lives with Sensory Processing Disorder. Having SPD go unidentified for the first 7 years of his life led to a certain dynamic among our children where L often got unduly blamed for things, or overly blamed for a minor offense (there have also been moments when he has used this to his advantage, but I have observed him being the "victim" more often than the "perp").

One of his struggles involves auditory processing, so although his ears work just fine, he will often not correctly process words he has heard me say ~ when it is a command to all the children the others get mad at him when they obey and he appears not to. He has tended to be easily frustrated and slow to use self control, so these behaviors, coupled with excessive blame by his siblings, have led to many conflicts requiring immediate intervention by me. We are striving to teach the children to treat each other with love and respect, to use words instead of hands, and to practice extending grace to others. Generally speaking, I am encouraged by the children's progress, but they are young. They have a long way to go (me too!). Read that: we are not there yet. There have been and are some very discouraging days, when I grow weary of intervening (we've been practicing this for months, shouldn't they know how to resolve this on their own by now?) , or feel sad at the emotional wounds L may bear. I am SO thankful the children are home with me all day, but nevertheless, there are moments of conflict when I am not present. Increasingly these are handled fairly well, but sometimes they are handled very poorly by the children involved. And since I cannot know which words, which actions are going to be the ones etched in L's memory, it weighs on me at times that a series of harsh responses from one of his siblings or friends (or me!) will inflict a wound he carries into adulthood. How thankful I am that I can trust L's future to God!

When L was "diagnosed" with SPD just over a year ago (I use the word "diagnose" very loosely since it is not yet a recognized diagnosis in the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual), we had a talk with our older two children. Trying to strike the balance between not making it a big deal, but understanding where L was coming from, we explained that he had something like a traffic jam in his brain. Messages couldn't get through properly. This was not something that could be "fixed" like fixing a broken traffic light would cause the traffic to flow smoothly again. We explained to them that what we and L would be working on was a detour around the traffic jam. A way to go around the jam and still get the messages through. It would take re-learning on L's part, and patience on our part, and we urged the children to pray for their brother and to have compassion for him, knowing that some of his "L-isms" were things he couldn't necessarily help.

Fast forward to last week. I had been to Sam's Club and had purchased a large box of Quaker Oats breakfast bars. The kind with frosting dribbled on top! These make a convenient food for my husband to eat in the morning while driving 45 minutes to his part time job. They are also irresistible snacks for children who have not had much convenience food lately. :-) Unbeknownst to any of us, L helped himself to 3 of them during a single afternoon. That night he let it slip that he'd had 3 bars that day. The other children began to protest, and one in particular started to really let L have it. I could see L sortof square his shoulders and prepare for the onslaught. I stopped it immediately and explained to the children that L had done nothing wrong! No need to treat him like a criminal. He was hungry and found something to eat, that was all. Then I explained to all of them that from now on these bars were to be reserved for daddy's breakfast and their snack during Friday co-op. On other days we would have other snack food. I addressed L directly and reassured him that he'd done nothing wrong. And I asked him to repeat the new rule about these bars, which he did.

Then, he cried.

Not sobbing, but quiet tears down his face. He was so sure he was going to get in trouble for eating 3 bars, that when he didn't he was overwhelmed. My heart broke knowing that he has come to expect to always be the scapegoat, but also warmed as I watched him experience grace.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9

"Lord Jesus, thank you for making our son L just the way You did. Thank you for entrusting him to our care. Please give us wisdom to parent him well, and to justly distribute mercy to all of our children. Give the other children your love for their brother L, and help him to learn how to circumvent his traffic jam. Help us to parent with grace, even when we are sometimes frustrated ourselves. Thank you for always pouring out Your grace on us. You are the perfect parent. I love you. Amen."

Mother Daughter Date

My 11 year old daughter and I went out for lunch and shopping together last Saturday. It was such a special time! I always enjoy spending "alone" time with each of our children, but this was extra special. Thanks to some gift cards, we were able to shop for some things she needed and just enjoy our time together. She is so fun and easy to talk to. And she is really growing up ~ maturing in so many ways. It is a joy to watch her develop her own relationship with God, and see ways God is helping her through the minefield of puberty. We conversed easily about a variety of topics, some serious and some light. We had another great talk about modesty vs. style, and people noticing our character and personality vs. people noticing our bodies. She had some great thoughts to share! I am so in love with her, and so grateful God entrusted her to us nearly 12 years ago. I used to gaze at her beautiful newborn face and think I couldn't love her any more than I did at that moment, but I was wrong.

Sarah

We had the absolute JOY of having Sarah, my cousin's daughter, stay with us for 5 days over the Thanksgiving holiday. She is a junior at a college not too far away. What an absolutely fabulous time we had with her!


She read to the children, she and I stayed up late talking and watching old re-runs, we baked, we laughed, we swapped books to read.




We talked some more and watched a gorgeous snowfall of big fluffy flakes. Watched a little football (she was gracious to me), watched a couple movies. She did homework. We SLEPT IN!!



Daughter G LOVED sharing her room with Sarah.


We worked on a puzzle, she made funny faces with the children, she baked "monkey bread" with the kids for breakfast one morning (her idea).





She helped me tie 24 hershey kisses each on 5 candy ribbons!

We took her to meet her ride back to school early Monday afternoon and everyone was sad and grumpy after that. Sarah, thank you for entering so fully into the life of our family, for being such a help, and for being the honest, open, compassionate, loving woman you are. Having you here was like a little piece of my ancestral home and we are so glad you are part of our family!

Date

Today daughter G and I went on an impromptu "date" to the mall to buy soap. Yes, soap. There are a couple soaps I just love at Bath and Body Works, and we have been out of "pump" soap in our house for a few weeks now. While at the mall we bought a large cinnamon pretzel to share, G tried on some clothes, we talked about the high price of clothing ($39.50 for a pair of jeans for her!! Nope, not gonna happen.....), looked at nail polish, and bought 7 bottles of soap for $20. Hopefully that will last until Christmas.

It was a great time to share together. I love spending time with my daughter!

Strangest thing we saw.....a sign that said, "Back to school special, $4.50 margaritas". Ummmm.......I'm pretty sure that school children shouldn't be drinking margaritas!

Happy Birthday Honey!!!!

46 years ago today my wonderful hubby was born, and I'm so glad he was! He is such a blessing in my life. I was a little bummed to be largely incapacitated on his special day, but we celebrated anyway! Here is our daughter G making his favorite cake.

And here is a picture of what he's going to get once they go on sale at the end of summer and once I can get around better!

Honey, I am so thankful for you. I love that you are so selfless, that you do so much for us, that you work hard to provide for us, that you are such a great husband and dad. I love to watch you with our children, and I love to hear you reading to them with all the different voices! Thank you for being such a good listener, for empathizing before trying to just "fix" things, for taking seriously all of my concerns. I love being married to you and I love belonging to you. Happy Birthday! I look forward to another year of loving you.