Parenting During Difficult Times

Since my husband was laid off in November, it has been interesting/sad/humorous/challenging to realize how the layoff is affecting each of our children differently. They don't really remember the 5 month layoff we experienced 4 years ago. Well, our oldest remembers it a little but the boys don't at all. Little Man was just a week old! Now that they are older, they are experiencing it differently and, from their point of view for the first time. For some of them it has been almost a non-issue, and for others it has been a bigger deal. For this mama, it has been a good reminder to watch, listen, pray, include them in the struggle at a level that is appropriate, share God's provision with them when He supplies what we need, and make sure my own spirit is resting and not fretting so that my worry doesn't spill over to them. The events of the past few months have made me aware, again, how much of a thermometer we moms are! How it goes with us is often how it goes with the whole family. For better or worse, we are the gauge. That is a tremendous amount of responsibility and power!

Little Man is pretty much oblivious to the situation. His life has changed the least. Yay for being young!

C, who is 6, knows that we had to stop tae kwon do (which he wanted to take a break from anyway), and that we don't get Boston Market on Sundays anymore. He also knows that we are eating more ramen for lunch ~ which he loves!! (and at 25 cents per package, it's easy on the budget!) So for him it has been pretty much a positive thing. :-)

Our son G is a very practical, matter of fact, easy going soul, and he has taken this layoff in stride. He prays for his daddy to find a job, but he does not appear overly worried. He does miss tae kwon do, but he seems to grasp that this financial hardship is a season.

8 year old L on the other hand has become very worried that we will lose our house and he will have nowhere to live. He is quite anxious about this. It took me a while to tune in to how much this bothered him, and when I did it made me sad to know his little heart and mind were so troubled. I have had several short talks with him about this (can't give a long mom speech or he tunes out completely!) and we have prayed together. In all honesty I can't tell him that we for sure WON'T lose the house, but I have told him that I don't think we will, and that if we do, God will provide a new place for us to live and He will give us grace to go through that if and when it happens. We don't need that particular grace right now so it has not been given us. We are also very careful to share with all the children when the Lord provides for us through the generosity of others ~ to stop and thank the Lord together and to affirm to them our trust in God's ability to take care of us. We can pray and speak the truth to our children, and we can model for them what faith looks like, but ultimately they must each choose to trust God for themselves. That is something only they can do.

God has done such a cool thing for our daughter G! When we registered for winter classes at co-op, before my husband was laid off, G signed up for a Kit Kittridge class. Kit is one of the characters in the American Girl series, and she happens to be the one whose stories are set during the Great Depression. As part of the class, G had to read all 6 of the Kit books, and I read them too. In fact, I couldn't put them down! They are good! In a nutshell, Kit's father loses his car dealership business and uses up all the family's savings to pay his employees and to pay off his debts. This leaves them with nothing and they are in danger of losing their home. Kit's mother is extremely resourceful and she comes up with the idea of taking in boarders in order to generate income. Kit must move out of her bedroom and up to the attic, which she at first is not happy about. But when she realizes what heavy burdens her parents are carrying, and how the situation is really affecting everyone else more profoundly than her, she changes her attitude. She matures alot throughout the 6 books, and comes to be a (mostly) helpful and energetic assistant to her mom.

It has been so clear to me how these books have been a means of helping our daughter process our own situation right now. She has often made passing comments, almost like she is thinking outloud, such as, "We had to stop taking tae kwon do lessons just like Kit had to stop taking dancing lessons", or "we're learning how to use up every little piece of food just like Kit's mom did." Or my favorite, "maybe we can keep chickens just like Kit's family did." (we are actually seriously thinking about this one!!) I think reading the books while her own father is looking for work has given her some sort of connection with Kit, and I have to say that reading them now has given me a whole new appreciation for my ancestors who lived through the Great Depression! Comparatively speaking they were worse off than we are now, yet they found ways to survive and thrive during that time. If they could do it, so can we!

Please pray with us that our childrens' young faith will be strengthened during this testing, and that they will remember that God met them and walked with them through this time in their lives. It is hard to watch our hardships become their hardships. This is a much bigger problem than not getting the cereal they wanted for breakfast. And yet bigger problems mean bigger answers. We so want to display God to our children and to point them to Him during this time. Please pray for us as we parent during this layoff!