My few remaining blog readers have undoubtedly noticed that my posting has been sparse of late. Time is certainly at an even higher premium than it was two months ago, but more than that.... it is hard to know what to say. How do I describe, on such a forum as a public blog, what it is like to add another half grown child to the family? To deal with the adjustments, on everyone's part, and the new dynamic in our family? To experience with her the trials of her past that are bleeding into the present, as well as the joy of seeing her blossom before our very eyes?
How do I describe the love I feel for a child not my own? She is not mine through birth or adoption. But she is mine in my heart.
How do I describe what it is like helping my birth children navigate through this journey? How to help them see things from her point of view, without sharing more of her past than they are able to handle or need to know?
How do I describe the complicated nature of sharing her with her birth mom?
What do I even call myself? Not mom. Not even a foster mom. Yet I am mothering her. Not exactly a friend ~ more than a friend, yet I am befriending her.
How do I describe what I feel when I consider her future? Is it with us? Or with her birth mom? I do not yet know. But I know it is with God. She is His in ways she will never be mine.
What a comfort!
So I wait. I wait for answers. I wait to see more of God's will fleshed out for us. I wait to see what He will do next in her life, and in mine. I wait.
"Yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary." ~ Isaiah 40:31
"We have waited for you eagerly.." ~ Isaiah 26:8