Change

Last night at bedtime I told our daughter that her daddy and I had discussed various privileges/freedoms that she's earned, and that one of them was she would no longer need to ask permission to ride her bike around either of our blocks (the one we're on and the one facing us), only that she tell us where she's going before she leaves. We discussed how important it is to be aware of your surroundings all the time. In other words, don't look just straight ahead. And also how important it is to be as responsible as possible for your own personal safety. It was a very grown up discussion and I could tell G was grateful that we recognized her maturity and that she would now have this freedom her brothers do not yet have.

During our early afternoon recess today, she informed me immediately upon going outside that she was going to ride her bike around our block. I must confess, I prayed the whole time she was gone! An hour later, before coming in for more school, she rode around the other, much bigger block. I sat on the porch and waited for her return.

I want to be good at letting go. I don't want to be a mom that hangs on desperately. But it's painful at times. Not only do these privileges represent a greater potential "risk", as she is physically away from parental protection, but they also represent an emotional seperation. She needs me in such different ways now. It is more complex and challenging to be a support to her as she maneuvers the minefield of puberty, than it was to tie her shoes and kiss away a hurt when she was a toddler. There are times I miss how easy it used to be! But I do love the girl she is and the woman she is becoming. It is a delight and a joy to know her so well, and to watch how she struggles and grows through difficulties.

The changes she is experiencing represent changes for me as a mom too. And I want to embrace those changes and enjoy the newness they bring. I just wish the changes were never painful or hard!!