This 'n That

I have posted almost exclusively about school lately. And certainly, school is a huge part of my/our lives. But there is always so much more going on in life and in my head. Lately I have felt like there is not enough time to just "be", so I need to find creative ways to work on that. This will be a random collection of thoughts mostly unrelated to school. It's a "stream of consciousness" thing, so be warned. :-)

The schoolroom has seen no more progress in the last two weeks, and won't until my husband reaches his deadline at work. I am thankful to have a kitchen eating area to school in. Thankful for the big window that gives us wonderful sunshine while we work! (something we are lacking in the basement) I am thankful I have children to teach, and thankful I can learn together with them at home. Thankful my husband currently has a job, even though he is super busy right now. Thankful that I know God will provide for us when this one ends in a week and a half. So very thankful for my husband!

I got to spend about four hours the other night with a young friend of mine who has recently graduated from college. She is beautiful and mature and has amazing insights. She is faithfully obeying God even though doing so is hard right now. I was so encouraged by our time together, and grateful to hear her perspective on so many things. Plus she is just plain FUN. I am really, really proud of her, and grateful to call her my friend. (love you E! And I am praying for you every day)

I learned today that my Uncle Ray passed away. I only found out yesterday that he was near death, though I knew he had been failing for a while. He is my dad's older brother and the first of my 3 aunts and uncles to die. I love him very much, and I am *so* thankful he has passed safely and peacefully from this life into heaven! He walked with God all his life, the last 10 years of which he suffered from speech aphasia and dementia. This was a hard blow to all of us at first, since for all his adult life he was a pastor and spoke many meaningful and thought provoking things. It was painful to watch him able to hear, but not able to participate in a conversation.

One of my first thoughts when I learned he was in heaven was, I wonder what his first words were?? What is he saying now? My mom shared with me the thought that for a christian death is just a doorway. I have been pondering that a lot today. Those of us on earth only see what is on this side of the door. We sadly and sometimes painfully lead our loved ones to the threshold, but we don't get to cross over it with them. We have to let them go. Others are on the other side, waiting to usher them in. What does an usher do? An usher greets you and helps you find your place. What ushers were waiting for my uncle? I can imagine that as soon as he crossed the threshold they were greeting him excitedly, showing him around and helping him find his "place". I know he is very much alive and more whole than he ever was on earth. But I will miss him. Death seems much closer now since it has taken one only one generation removed from myself. A reminder that death is the final destination for all of us. Am I ready? Are you?

And in the midst of these ponderings on death, life goes on. My husband took our son L on a date this week and had "The Talk" with him too. It was only a few weeks ago that he had this talk with our son G. L had a completely different reaction than G did, as I had inwardly predicted he would. He was very true to his personality. Let's just say he was pretty grossed out by the whole idea. His one big takeaway, however, upon learning that there are literally millions of possible egg/sperm pairings each time a husband and wife show love to each other in this way, was...."wow! I am soooo special! I could have been someone else!" And it's true! I love that he's getting a sense for how God made him to be HIM, and no-one else.

We have cautioned the older two boys not to discuss this with their younger brothers, or anyone else for that matter, though they are always welcome to talk to us about it at any time. Despite this admonition, snippets of the talk have been floating around our house all week. Little Man and son C have both asked me this week if it is possible for me to have any more babies, or if I have used up all my "dots"?

Son C is going to play in his soccer game tomorrow. His foot is getting better and better each day! He barely limps now.

My house is a mess, and it is not going to be as tidy as I want it until the schoolroom is finished and our piles of school things have a permanent home. But I'm thankful I have a house to get messy.

I was crying out to God the other day that I am overwhelmed with the different stages each of the five children are at, what their needs are and my own inadequacy to parent them well. I asked the Lord for grace and wisdom and opportunities to invest in them in ways that are unique to each child and where they are at the moment. When they were younger it was possible to parent them all pretty much the same, but now their needs are so vastly different.

I'm so thankful I can depend on the Lord! The very next day He gave me the energy at the end of the day to have a lovely tea party with our daughter. We used to have weekly teas and I'm ashamed to admit that it has been a few months since our last one. We talked and connected and had such a good time together. Our conversation ranged from body image and false messages we get through media, to how to share your faith with a buddhist. Yeah, pretty much all over the map! But it was great to just be together. I enjoy spending time with her SO much ~ she is a delightful young lady!

This stream of consciousness is long enough and my brain is tired. Hope you all have a weekend that is refreshing in just the ways you need.

Good night.