More thoughts on being "medium"

My husband and I watched the movie Rocky Balboa over the weekend. I loved it! Great movie! I was a Rocky fan way back when they first came out, not necessarily a huge Stallone fan. But you know? In his Rocky role he really acts. I mean, he's good! It's completely believable. This last movie really struck a chord with me because the overall theme is about leaving the past in the past and moving forward. I don't want to give too much away for those of you who may not have seen this yet but plan to later. If you liked the earlier Rocky movies at all, I think you would really enjoy Rocky Balboa. It ended really well too. Very believable and much more realistic than the alternate ending which they included in the special features section.

So it got me to thinking about moving forward into this next stage of parenting without so many longing looks back. I will always miss our babies who died before they were born. I will always treasure the experience of pregnancy and delivery (not sure I will treasure all aspects of delivery) and cradling my newborn in my arms. I will always be grateful that God chose to build our family through childbirth, and I think the sheer sweetness of those years with several little ones will be hard to beat. I understand so much more now those words that Luke penned about Mary, the mother of Jesus: "But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart." (Luke 2:19)

But what treasures still await? What sweetness still lies ahead? I don't want to miss any of it just because a chunk of my heart is living in the past. I truly love all the stages that our kids are in right now, and I love watching them grow up and mature and become their own independent people. It's painful sometimes, but also rewarding and joyful and FUN! In many ways parenting now is harder, but in some ways it's also easier. It is possible that God may still add to our family (maybe through adoption?), but I have wrestled with God for a long time over being content in this area, and I have sensed very strongly His calling me to REST in HIM, even in the void of a specific plan or "answer".

So, bottom line, I'm setting my face towards the Lord. Not a stage of life, not a wonderful experience that I've longed to repeat, but the Lord. It's good to remember what He has done in the past. It's good to live in His grace in the present. It's good to expect what He will do in the future. But when my eyes are fixed on Jesus, all else pales in comparison. Forgive me, Lord, for the times I take my eyes off you and focus on me. My wants, my desires, my longings, my perception of happiness. Thank you for always being so patient and merciful. Help me to fix my gaze on You and trust You for all that You hold in store for me. I love you, Lord.

And I'm totally, really, absolutely, completely motivated to work out now! How old is Stallone anyway? If he could do THAT for the movie.....well, I think I can walk a couple miles! Oh, and "medium" is our pet phrase for being middle aged. I first mentioned it in this post.