Huge, Gut-wrenching Confession

Okay, did that get your attention? ;-)

I use "confession" in the "to spill your guts" sense of the word. And when you say things outloud, and you say them to others, they tend to seem more real. So that's the huge gut-wrenching part.

Here it is:

I have a goal to run a 5K before I turn 50.

This may come as a surprise to some of you, even those of you who know me well, but for most of my life I have been a runner. I ran track in middle school and high school ~ longer distances (a sprinter I am not). During college and throughout my 20's and early 30's I enjoyed running for exercise. Back in my hometown I had several routes that were familiar, predictable, and beautiful to me.

There was the 2 mile maintenance route to Cornwall Park, through the park, over the footbridge across the creek, past the playground and the spot where I got my first kiss, out the big gate and back home. Then there was the lengthier, more grueling route that involved a long slow ascent up the Illinois Street hill. I loved the route that took me by Sunnyland Elementary School, the school I attended as a child and where, years later, I first taught kindergarten. I would run behind the school, through the Memorial Park, and back home through tidy, familiar neighborhoods. And on a regular basis (because where I grew up truly is "God's country") I would run one of the lush trails in my hometown, soaking up the spectacular beauty and the presence of God as I ran.

In my mid to late 20's, while serving as a missionary English teacher in Japan, I developed new routes that passed through traditional neighborhoods along narrow streets, with Japanese housewives sweeping their front stoops, past soup vendors and small grocery stores, large Buddhist schools behind tall gates, and Shinto shrines. At first I was a curiosity to those who saw me run past, but soon the "regulars" grew accustomed to the tall, curly haired "gai-jin" and we exchanged brief greetings as I ran by. I loved these runs, and I loved praying for the people along each route.

While in Japan, in an effort to be intentional about my life, I made a life list. A list of things I hoped to accomplish, by God's grace, before I died. And one of the items on that list was "run a marathon". I have never shared that with another living soul before now, so this truly is a huge, gut-wrenching confession for me!

Fast forward 20 years from the writing of the life list, and I have never been farther from that goal. Numerous pregnancies (and miscarriages), five children, one c-section, and about 60 pounds later, I am a medium aged, often tired woman with arthritis in my knees. Along about the third baby or so I must have realized that "marathon" was a tad too optimistic so I changed the goal to a 5K. But still, in my present condition, a 5K is a big, big goal. I could walk a 5K today. I don't want to walk it. I want to run it.

This goal truly motivates me. I want to do this. I need to do this. For me. So I am officially in 5K training. I have been walking a mile (or more) most days, with a few interruptions due to sickness, for nearly a month now (I "walk" - and do light aerobics - in my family room to Leslie Sansone videos). I can tell my endurance is growing. I'm thinking just about the time all the remnants of snow finally melt, I will be able to move from walking to jogging. We shall see. If you think of me, please pray that God will help me to persevere. And if you're working on a big goal, please consider sharing it here and I will pray for you too!