Priorities

I posted a couple weeks ago that we weren't quite in our school rhythm yet for this year, and I was having to tweak our schedule. Since that time I have spent HOURS thinking, planning, praying, trying different things during our school day, etc. Attacking the problem, so to speak. That is my way. The Lord showed me this past weekend that, as good as that is on one level, if it is taking priority over my relationship with Him and my relationship with my husband, it is a bad thing.

Schooling 4 and parenting 5 is a full time job. No doubt about that. But in that full time job I cannot lose sight of my priorities. God first. Husband and marriage second. If the children and the school are getting the best of me, then God and my husband are just getting leftovers. And that is wrong.

I have noticed a trend in myself that when I focus exclusively on my own "thing" (homeschool) an attitude of entitlement creeps in. It's very subtle. When my hubby gets home, I basically expect him to parent because "I've been with the kids all day". This is not a conscious thing, but if I am honest with myself it definitely happens. Or after the kids are in bed I will plop down on the couch and turn on the tv because "I'm exhausted and deserve some down time." Now I am not saying that all down time is bad, or that my husband shouldn't be parenting in the evenings. What I am saying is that my attitude of "I deserve this" is just a culturally acceptable way of saying that I'm selfish.

We have got to fight this attitude, people!! This is not God's way. God's way is laying down my life for others. God's way is putting my husband before myself. God's way is serving him out of a thankful heart that God has given him to me. God's way is balance. And order. For me, that means not focusing so much on school that I let the house fall apart, and don't clean toilets and don't cook good dinners, and don't give my husband the domestic support that makes our home a safe and peaceful haven for him.

I am making progress on the school routine, and I'm thankful for that. But I have set that aside for awhile in order to align my priorities properly, to spend more time in God's Word, and to get my house in order so I am less emotionally cluttered and can focus on my husband when he is home.

There have been several things God has used to convict and encourage me in this area. This post by Jess at "Making Home" was one of them. Though this particular post is specifically talking about sex, it is the attitude behind it that needs to be my attitude toward my husband in all things. How thankful I am for God's patience and grace toward me!

Dearest Lord, thank you for your constant love. Forgive me for the times that I do not turn to You immediately, and the times I take my eyes off you. You are my everything. I am utterly lost without You. Help me to have right attitudes and right behavior toward my husband. Help me to not let school issues consume me. Help me keep my priorities straight. Thank you so much for the husband, family, and home You've given me. I love you, Lord.