Some thoughts on having a Special Needs Child

I'm not completely comfortable with this title, but I decided to use it anyway and just define it differently. :-)

What do you think of when you hear those words "special needs"? Being in the homeschool community, I hear them alot. Many of my homeschooling friends have children with special challenges that make learning difficult. I have always understood this phrase to mean needs that fall outside the loose perimeters of what "most" children need in order to learn and thrive. In thinking more about it though, don't we all have special needs in one way or another?

Four of our children are currently being schooled, with a 3 year old coming up quickly. In our little classroom of 5, it is easy to see how they all learn differently. Some are visual learners and some are auditory learners. One is a kinesthetic learner. Some like to move (need to move) while trying to memorize things, some like music or other background noise, some prefer total silence. Some work best on the floor, some at the table. You get the point. This is their "ideal" - what they need in order to learn best (which is one reason I love homeschooling so much! - the opportunity to provide for each of their special needs). So in a sense, each of my children has special needs. Needs that are uniquely theirs. Needs that perhaps only I know. Needs that God has appointed me to meet, or to find others who can meet them.

Recently one of our children was identified as having Sensory Processing Disorder (also called Sensory Integration Dysfunction), which is difficulty processing information received through the senses. It encompasses a wide range of behaviors and reactions that vary greatly from child to child, so it often goes undiagnosed and is also frequently misunderstood by observers. I am still a novice and learning much, but it has been fascinating to learn a bit more about how the brain functions, how messages are sent and received, and how a traffic jam in the brain can cause such confusion, fear, and low self esteem in children who struggle with SPD.

When this became evident I went through a wide range of emotions. Guilt (how could I not have seen this earlier?), fear (how will this affect their future?), regret (if only we had entered the Early On program when they were evaluated at 10 months old, if only we had started therapy earlier), even some anger and of course feeling overwhelmed with all the new information and what it would mean for our unique situation.

By God's grace we are through all of that and are in pro-active mode now. We were able to begin occupational therapy and listening therapy for this child almost immediately. We found a wonderful OT clinic very close to our home. Several months ago, long before I ever knew I would be needing their expertise, God had given me some new friends who have already been down this road! We can so clearly see ways in which God has prepared us for this, and even more, how He has prepared THIS for US.

Our child with SPD did experience some trauma at birth (which is one cause of SPD) that God could have prevented. In His wisdom and sovereignty He did not. Struggling with this disorder is part of who God made our child to be. We do not view it as something wrong to be fixed, but as something to learn to thrive with. It has negative aspects that must be overcome, but what a training ground for learning coping skills! And what a wonderful way to help develop a heart of compassion for others! I know that others may view it as a "special need". And truthfully, there are some pretty big ramifications for both our homeschool and our parenting. But in one sense we view this as a "special gift." What an opportunity for our child (and us) to learn more of God's grace!

Heavenly Father, thank you that You were with us before, are with us now, and will be with us in the future. Through all the unknowns, the uncertainties, and the changes You are there. Thank you for leading us down this path. Help us to help our child the best we can. Keep your loving hand upon them. Remember they are but a child. Please lead gently. Thank you for each of our precious children and for each of their special, unique needs. What a privilege it is to be the one to meet them! Give grace where we are lacking, and cover our mistakes with your mercy. May you receive glory for this journey we are on, and through the life of our child whom we place, again, in Your hands. In Jesus' name, Amen.